


Crossroads

by justbygrace



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Divorce, Domestic, Fluff, Kid Fic, M/M, Parenting Adventures, Slow Build, Widowed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-22
Updated: 2013-08-05
Packaged: 2017-12-20 23:24:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 24,961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/893121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justbygrace/pseuds/justbygrace
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mamihlapinatapai (noun): A look shared by two people with each wishing that the other will initiate something that both desire but which neither one wants to start.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> All the appreciation goes to CSJ who is wonderful for listening to me and giving me ideas and fixing all of my comma issues!  
> 

It had been two years, five months, and twelve days and it was just about to the point where Dean didn't automatically reach for Lisa when he woke up at night. Two years since the day he had been at work, mostly underneath a car when he heard Bobby's voice, "Dean, you need to come here," more serious than he had ever heard it. Two years since he had walked towards the police officer, wiping his hands on an old rag, his heart already sinking. Two years since he had heard, "We're so sorry, Mr. Winchester." Two years since he had stoically excused himself to pick up Ben from kindergarten and try to find the words to explain to him why mommy was never coming home. Two years since he had finally let himself break down in the safety of his room after dealing with an exhausting stream of visitors and dodging his brother's concerned "We just want to make sure you're _okay_ , Dean."

The first days, weeks, months had seemed like torture, just the endless daily activities that were significantly more difficult without Lisa to bring her special brand of joy into their lives. Ben's teacher had called him in for a parent/teacher meeting to express her concern over the fact that Ben wasn't using color in his drawings anymore and he was probably very upset on an emotional level. Dean's response of "He's six and his mother just died, damn right he's upset!" had resulted in a meeting with the guidance counselor and the principal and Dean deciding that the other elementary school in town was better suited to Ben's needs. 

Eventually things had taken on a sort of routine and Ben had started to smile and eventually to laugh again. Dean struggled to follow his son's example. He and Lisa had been high school sweethearts, the bad boy and the head cheerleader of Truman High. It didn't start out as love, more like high school back seat horniness, but when Lisa found out she was pregnant at the tail end of their senior year, Dean had gotten his act together. Having a child was important to him, and despite the odds stacked against them, the two had managed a tiny apartment on Dean's shitty paycheck from Singer's Salvage Yard and eight months later, Benjamin Dean Winchester was born. The years were hard, two 19 year olds making decisions they weren't old enough to make yet, and it wasn't until right before Lisa's accident that things were starting to look up. Bobby had given Dean a big promotion and Lisa had gotten a bonus at her job at the hospital. There was talk of moving into a real home and maybe even expanding their tiny family. And then some stupid teenager had gotten drunk at 9 am and destroyed everything. 

Dean groaned to himself as he rolled over for the third time. It was 4:30 am and sleep was evading him as usual. Giving up, he shoved away the covers, grabbed a pair of running shorts and laced up his sneakers. He paused at the door of Ben's room and peeked in at the 8 year old. The boy was sprawled across his bed, snoring softly into his teddy bear. For the hundredth time, Dean thanked whatever force there was that this boy was in his life. Dean's father may have been mostly drunk and usually on long road trips to God knows where, but Dean was determined to do this fatherhood thing right. 

Leaving an 8 year old sleeping in an empty apartment was probably not a good way to do the fatherhood thing right, but Dean had been in the building for so long, he knew every other resident. Besides, he had three deadbolts on the exterior door. He jogged down the two flights of stairs and straight into a man backing out of his apartment.

Dean's reflexes kicked in and he caught the dude right before he hit the ground. "Dude, I'm so sorry. I should have been watching where I'm going. No one's ever out this early." He realized he was rambling and still holding the man's arm. He quickly dropped it and took a step backwards. Change that, he knew everyone in the apartment building except this guy.

"It's alright." The man smiled up at him. "I probably shouldn't be backing into the hall."

"Dean Winchester." Dean held his hand out.

"Castiel Novak." The man had a firm grip and a gentle smile.

Dean couldn't help questioning that one. "Castiel?" 

The man's upper lip twitched. "It's a family name. I was named after an angel."

"I was named after my grandmother." Dean wasn't entirely sure why he was still standing here talking, but there was something inviting about the other man.

"Your grandmother's name was Dean?" 

"Deanna actually. My brother got lucky; he was named Sam after my grandfather."

"Well, Dean, it looks like you are headed out for a jog. Do you mind if I join you?"

"Yeah, no. Not at all." Dean gestured towards the door. "I usually just run a mile or so."

Castiel fell into step beside him as they exited the building into the pre-dawn chill. "I do not yet know my way around town, so I shall follow your lead."

"Where'd you move from?" 

"New York City." The answer was short, almost clipped.

"Cool, never been there before. Grew up here and probably gonna spend the rest of my life here. I like it alright though. No complaints." Dean guided them around the street corner.

"It seems a nice town so far. I have a brother in town. He is the one who convinced me to move here." They were headed up a steady incline, but it didn't seem to faze Castiel.

"Really? Who is your brother? I might know him." Dean tried to keep the slight wheeze from his voice. He didn't do this as often as he should.

"Gabriel Novak. He is the...."

"Guidance Counselor at Truman Elementary." Dean finished. "Yeah, I know Gabe. He's been really awesome."

"You have children?"

"A son. Ben. He's in third grade. I transferred him to Truman because I heard Gabe's way with kids is legendary."

The other man huffed a laugh. "Yes, there are many who would say that Gabriel is legendary." He paused and then, "My daughter will be enrolled in fifth grade there."

"You married?" Dean wasn't sure what compelled the question, maybe the sadness that clung to the man like a second skin.

"No. I was. She left us." There was a mixture of bitterness and resignation in his tone.

"I'm sorry man. My wife, Lisa, she was killed by a drunk driver."

"I am sorry to hear that."

They finished their run in companionable silence. As they stopped in front of Castiel's apartment Dean stuck out his hand again, "Hey listen, If you ever want to hang out, grab a beer, whatever, let me know. I'm in 3B."

"That sounds very nice. I'll probably take you up on that."

"Alright, I'll see you later Cas." 

Dean jogged up the flights to his apartment with the memory of the other man's surprised smile firmly in his mind.

 

+++

 

Dean didn't run into Cas again until the next evening when he and Ben were returning home. Cas was standing in the hallway outside of the Novak's apartment with an armful of groceries and a slightly lost expression. At his side was a petite girl with bright red hair.

"Hey!" Dean greeted them. "Everything alright?"

"I seem to have misplaced my keys." Cas' tone was mournful

"Oh man, the amount of times I've done that." Dean reached for one of the sacks Cas was clutching. "Here, you can wait up in our place while you phone the Super. It usually takes him quite a bit to get over here."

"I'd rather not impose." He seemed reluctant to hand over the groceries. 

"Really Cas, it's alright. It's better than standing in the hallway. Besides, I've got his number on my wall."

Cas slowly allowed Dean to take a bag or two and held out his free hand to the little girl. "This is my daughter, Anna."

"Anna. It's good to meet you." Dean smiled down at her and then nodded at his own offspring. "That's my son, Ben. He's 8."

"I'm about to be 10 next month." Anna smiled shyly at both Winchesters.

"Awesome. Come on then." Dean led the small party up the two flights of steps. 

Once inside the apartment, Dean was suddenly embarrassed by the lack of organization the place obviously demonstrated. It wasn't a disaster, but there were empty pizza boxes and a scattering of Ben's toys and some random shoes.

"Sorry bout the mess." Dean's wave included the whole place. "We're a couple of bachelors."

"It's alright. We just moved in and haven't settled yet. Our place doesn't look much better." Cas set his bags down on some empty counter space. "Did you have that number?"

"Oh yes, here." Dean snatched the post-it off the wall and handed it to Cas.

As he waited for Cas to speak to the Super, he watched Ben and Anna who were sitting seriously on the couch. Anna had some homework in her lap and Ben looked absolutely fascinated with it. 

"He said he can't possibly be here in under an hour." Cas looked very disgruntled by this news. 

"I'm sorry man. You guys can stay for dinner though. If you want." 

"I don't want us to be in your way." 

"Well, we'll probably order take-out and watch a movie. It isn't too special." Dean grinned at Cas. 

"If you're sure."

As they discussed take-out options with the kids, Dean considered why he was doing this. He didn't let just anyone intrude into his home and he certainly didn't like random people hanging around Ben, but there was something familiar about the way Cas carried his pain that Dean could totally relate to. He didn't know anyone else who was a single father and it was nice to share a look of understanding while they settled the kids with boxes of Chicken and Broccoli and Lo Mein in front of Finding Nemo. 

As they gathered their own meals, Dean caught Cas studying the movie intently. "Dude, tell me you've seen Finding Nemo before!"

"No, I don't believe I've heard of it."

"Oh, it's a classic story man. You'll love it." Dean settled himself on the couch next to Ben and patted the remaining cushion.

They were well into the movie when Cas' cell phone rang. "That was him. He's got the door open."

"Go on, we'll pause it until you get back."

"Thank you, Dean." Cas' smile was genuine.

While they waited for Cas to return, Anna grabbed her homework once more. "Wow," Dean looked down at her in amazement. "You're really dedicated."

"I don't want to get behind. The new school is ahead of me in several areas and I want to make good scores to make Papa proud."

"I'm sure you will." Dean turned towards Ben. "Do you have any leftover homework?" 

"Oh, yes." The little rascal scampered off to retrieve his backpack. 

"Aunt Ruby didn't make you do this?" Dean might need to have to have a word with his brother's wife.

"It's just a thing I need your sig...your signa...I need you to sign it." Ben glared as he dropped a form into Dean's lap. 

"Signature. Don't worry, it's a tough word man."

At that moment there was a light knock on the door and Cas was letting himself back in. "He gave me an extra set so hopefully this won't happen again."

"Well, anytime it does, you can come watch movies with Ben and me." Dean smiled at him as he flicked the movie back on.

"I might take you up on that." Cas settled himself back down on the couch. And if he was a little closer to Dean, no one really had to know. Ben and Anna were already wrapped up in Marlin and Dory.


	2. Chapter 2

The next time Dean ran into Cas and Anna was Sunday afternoon on his way back from lunch with Sam and Ruby. 

"We're headed to the park!" Anna informed them cheerily. "Do you want to come?"

"Yeah!" Ben exclaimed. "Can we Dad?!"

"Well, I don't want to impose." Dean looked at Cas with a twinkle in his eye and was happy to see a slight grin on the man's face.

"It isn't an imposition. In fact, it might be helpful." His voice dropped to a mock whisper. "I'm not entirely sure where I am headed."

"No problem. We Winchesters got this. Right Ben?"

Ben moved to lead the group back up the sidewalk, turning to holler over his shoulder. "Come on, I'll show you. It's not far." 

Anna hurried to catch up with Ben while Dean and Cas fell into step behind them.

"So are you guys settling in alright?" Dean questioned.

"Yes, so far. Anna seems to like the school. One of her classmates lives in the building."

"Did you find a job?" 

For some reason Cas looked a little embarrassed. "I work from home. I edit college religion textbooks."

"Oh, that's really awesome that you can do that. I work at the Salvage Yard and Ben has to go to my brother's house after school." Dean shoved his hands in his pockets self-consciously. 

"You're doing the best you can." 

"Yeah, I guess. Still..." Dean trailed off as the group entered the park. 

The two men found a bench near the playground and settled into it. A comfortable silence settled and Dean was thankful for it. Being at the park was still painful sometimes. Lisa had loved it here and often would come to sketch when Ben was a baby.

Cas broke the silence, his voice gentle. "Is it difficult to be in a place with memories of your wife?"

Startled, Dean raised his eyebrows at Cas and was met with a small smile. "You look a bit like I did when I visited places in New York after Meg left."

"Yeah." Dean proceeded to try to explain what the park had meant to Lisa and was warmed by Cas' full attention. His quiet questions prompted Dean to continue to talk about Lisa more than he had with anyone else, except perhaps Sam. 

When Dean finished, they sat in silence for a moment before Cas began to speak. "I married Meg because that's what my family wanted. The Novaks and Masters are both well-off and my father decided the marriage would be...advantageous. It was not a marriage of love, though I think lust played a role, at least on my end. She was a beautiful young woman. For her, I think she just wanted someone who would look good on her arm. I am not - I do not enjoy social settings and it became a point of contention between us rather quickly. She became pregnant soon after we were married and was not pleased with the idea of a child. Once Anna was born, she wanted very little to do with her. As soon as Meg recovered from the birth, it became apparent that she was seeing other people. I turned a blind eye to it for far too long. I had grown attached to her, I think, in the way one does to a lost puppy. Plus, I was afraid of my family's reactions. But the day I returned home from an outing with Anna and found Meg in my bed with another man, well, I could not handle it any longer. I asked her to leave, which she did before the end of the month. My family was very angry, revoking my share of the family money. I took a part time job from a college and found a small apartment. But living in the city is very stifling and Gabe contacted me suggesting we move out here. He had a falling out with my father many years ago and understood my position."

Dean sat in stunned silence at the end of Cas' story. He was suddenly overwhelmingly thankful that his relationship with Lisa, as screwed up as it frequently had been, had still been based in love.

"Cas. I'm so sorry man." 

"It's alright. Some days are difficult. Not so much because I miss Meg for myself, but because of the fact that she just abandoned Anna."

"She doesn't see her daughter at all?"

"No, the last I heard of Meg, she was living in Paris with some man named Luc. She signed over full custodial rights when she left."

Ben chose that moment to announce that he was hungry and Anna was close behind. As the group slowly made their way back to the apartment complex the children's chatter dominated the conversation, but when they left the Novaks at their apartment, Dean took a moment to lay a hand on Cas' arm and invite him to come up for a beer the following night. Cas agreed, with a sincere smile, and Dean guided Ben up the stairs more happy than he had been for a long time.

 

+++

 

It wasn't long before the Novaks and Winchesters were spending more time hanging out than they did apart. Dean discovered that Cas could cook, which was great for his budget and his cholesterol, and most evening meals were shared. After realizing that neither Novak had seen any of the Star Wars movies, or really any worthwhile movie, a Saturday evening tradition was started complete with Chinese take-out, popcorn, and entirely too much soda. When Cas found out that Dean had never been to any of the museums around, he was appalled and proceeded to buy a years pass to every historical and scientific museum within a 50-mile radius. The fact that it was a family pass did not seem to register with any of them.

Friday was "Guy's Night" at The Roadhouse. Jo Harvelle, Dean's long time friend, always watched Ben along with her own little one, and welcomed Anna into the exclusive "Kid's Night". Benny and Ash welcomed Cas into their Poker games and after he swept them all, started to give him a great deal of respect. 

In fact, it wasn't until the first time that Dean invited Cas and Anna along to Sunday lunch at Sam and Ruby's that he ran into trouble.

They had barely entered the house when Sam had grabbed his arm, hauling him out back, with a quick, "I need Dean to help with the grill." 

"Dude." Dean exclaimed as soon as the door closed behind them. "What do you want?"

"What's going on with you two?" Sam set his hands on his hips and fixed Dean with his most knowing expression.

"What are you talking about?" 

"You and Cas. Anything I should know?" 

"About what? That we're friends? We're friends. It's a thing. You knew this. Also he's probably freaking out cause you dragged me out here and he's going to think you don't want him here." Dean glared up at his younger brother; the guy was like a giant, overgrown moose.

"Are you sure?" Sam leveled a piercing gaze at Dean's soul.

"God, Sammy, I don't even know what we're talking about! But yes, I'm sure. About whatever it is that I'm supposed to be sure about. And now I'm going to grab a beer. And you may actually want to check on that grill." With an exasperated sigh, Dean turned on his heel and headed into the house.

Sure enough, he found Cas in the kitchen with a slightly panicked look in his eyes. Dean grabbed two beers from the fridge and handed one to Cas. "It's alright, man." Dean said in an undertone. "Sam's totally cool that you are here." He watched as Cas visibly relaxed and turned back to helping Ruby chop up stuff for a salad. 

Dean headed to make sure Ben wasn't tormenting Sam's dog, wondering if it was him or Sam who was going crazy. He had absolutely no idea what Sam had been referring to. He decided to be sure to keep an eye on Sam for the remainder of the visit, but besides making a few weird remarks and gazing at Cas with a tilted head, Sam seemed practically normal. Dean decided it was crazy lawyer fumes and brushed off the incident.


	3. Chapter 3

Before Dean knew it, it was mid-May and as he headed down the stairs to meet Cas, he realized it had been almost two months since Cas had moved in. He was still surprised at how easily Cas and Anna fit into his and Ben's life and how much their presence added. Cas only occasionally mentioned "imposing" these days and Dean hardly ever apologized for the constant disaster of his apartment. Randomly appearing in each other's apartment after work had become normal. Dean was especially glad about how well Ben and Anna had hit it off. Anna was already fairly popular amongst the kids in the complex and she took it upon herself to make sure Ben was included in anything they were doing. Dean couldn't believe how awesome it was to see Ben racing around with the neighborhood kids with a huge smile on his face.

The early morning jogs were more Cas' thing than Dean's, but it was a good time to talk without worry that the kids might overhear while they discussed such topics as How Does One Date While A Single Parent and What Time is a Good Bedtime and How Early is Too Early For Sports. The finer points of How Do We Deal With Mother's Day had been the main topic of conversation for the last few mornings. It was the upcoming Sunday and neither of them knew what the protocols were for the situation. Anna was bitter towards Meg and wanted little to do with any sort of traditions and Dean hadn't had the guts to mention anything to Ben. As they headed into their second mile, Dean only half listened to Cas' musings on possibly seeing if Ben could help Anna lose some of her anger on the subject. He was sure that whatever Cas came up with would first, be awesome and second, be what they did. Cas had this way of getting things done the way he liked them and Dean couldn't seem to manage to be annoyed by this. 

"Are you even listening to me, Dean?" Cas sounded slightly put out, but not winded. Which totally sucked because they had added another two miles to the daily route and some mornings Dean swore he was going to keel over on the sidewalk and Cas always sounded like he was taking a leisurely stroll in the park.

"Yes, absolutely I am." He was pretty sure it was the better part of valor to agree.

"Mmhmm," Cas shot him a dark look. "I think we should speak to them tonight. Probably at the same time."

"As long as you take the lead in that talk, it sounds good to me." Dean agreed leading their way back into the building. "By the way, you want to grab a beer at The Roadhouse tonight?"

"It's Wednesday, Dean." Cas argued, fumbling for his keys.

"Exactly. Perfect day to grab a beer. I know Jo would be thrilled to watch the kids." 

"But what's the occasion?" Cas regarded Dean quizzically from the other side of the doorframe.

"It's Wednesday, Cas." Dean grinned at him.

Cas chuckled quietly. "I'll see you tonight, Dean."

 

+++

 

The Roadhouse was set just outside the city limits. It was the sort of place that looked as if it inspired horror movies about gruesome murders and it was Dean's favorite place to go. Cas had been extremely nervous the first time Dean had taken him there, but as soon as he met Ellen, the motherly and tough-as-nails proprietor, he had calmed down and quit looking at Dean like he expected him to pull out a hunting knife. And watching Cas now walk in like he owned the place made Dean chuckle to himself as he moved to grab their favorite table, greeting the regulars as he went.

When Cas finally arrived, carrying two glasses of their favorite beer on tap, Dean was settled back into his seat and ready to enjoy the evening. Their conversation was nothing earth-shattering, ranging from what to do to celebrate the upcoming end of the school year to a particularly obnoxious customer at the shop that day. Dean was halfway through his second glass and Cas was finishing off his third (much to Dean's chagrin, he had discovered that Cas could drink Dean under the table in under 20 minutes if they were really trying), when the door to The Roadhouse opened and two women, who Dean was quite sure he'd never seen before, walked in. 

"Cas." Dean breathed. "Look."

"Hmm?" Cas turned to look at the women and then back at Dean. "What about them?"

"Well, don't you think they are hot?"

Cas returned his gaze to them. "I suppose. The darker haired one is aesthetically pleasing."

"Yeah, whatever you say. Point is, I think you should go for it."

"Me?" Cas squinted at Dean. "For what purpose?"

"For what purpose?" It was Dean's turn to look confused. "What do you mean, for what purpose? "

Cas huffed into his drink. "I assume you mean for sexual activity. I just don't understand why you are directing this towards me."

"Sexual activity, that's the least sexy way I've ever heard that put," Dean scoffed. "I'm putting this towards you because I'm being an awesome wingman and that one is totally checking you out."

"Checking me out?" Cas turned back to the women and gave them a small smile when the dark-haired one raised her glass at him. "I suppose." He returned his gaze to Dean. "But what about you?"

"Wingman remember?" Dean asked. "Besides, someone's gotta get the kids. I'll watch Anna till you get in."

"Are you sure? This was supposed to be a...celebration of Wednesday?" 

"And what better way to celebrate than getting laid man?"

"I could watch the kids while you "celebrate." 

"First, what did I say about air quotes? And second, next time, you can be the wingman. This is all you." Dean tipped his chair back and drained the rest of his beer."

"Okay." Cas hesitantly stood up. 

"Just be safe. And try not to mention theology. And never mention you have a kid the first time." Dean tried to remember if there was anything else to warn against.

"Yes, alright. I'll see you later then." Cas gave Dean a small smile.

As Dean watched Cas sit down next to the women and start to make conversation he cast up a hope that it wasn't about free will or early childhood development. He was so wrapped up in watching Cas, that he half jumped out of his seat when Ash dropped into the chair across the table.

"Dude." Ash was a good friend with a bad drug problem and a terrible mullet and Dean had trouble understanding him at the best of times.

"What?" 

"Dude." Ash repeated, shaking his head solemnly.

"Seriously, what?"

"Just, dude." Ash stood back up, still shaking his head at him. "Peace."

"Yeah, peace, or whatever. Kid's crazy as a loon." He muttered under his breath, glancing back over at Cas. 

He found him standing by the door with the dark-haired woman, helping her with her jacket. "Well, that was fast." Cas raised his hand in farewell and Dean grudgingly returned it. "Cas has game, who would have thought." For a moment, he considered buying another round, but he decided that finishing off Cas' drink and calling it a day appealed to him. The excitement seemed to have drained out of the evening and he couldn't quite figure out why.

He was out the door fifteen minutes after Cas, only stopping to pay his tab and have Ellen give him a reproachful look. To be honest, Dean was getting really sick of all these people looking at him like he ought to know something he didn't. He tried blasting some Metallica on the way back, but even that did nothing for his mood. Even once he stopped to pick up Ben and Anna, he couldn't stop worrying about Cas. It was perfectly reasonable to worry about him. The guy did have a problem with standing or sitting a little close to people. And he spoke really formally. Oh, and he tended to drop random religious tidbits into a conversation like it was no big deal. He really hoped the woman was very understanding.

It took Dean until they were all the way inside of the apartment to realize that both kids had been mostly silent the whole way home. "Hey guys, everything okay?"

"Where's Papa?" Anna sounded unusually quiet.

And shit, he'd totally forgot to explain anything and he hadn't even thought about what he was going to say. He squatted down next to both kids. Anna looked positively terrified and Ben was sucking his thumb, something he hadn't done in several months.

"Well honey, your papa met someone when we were out today and they decided to catch up. He'll be back later."

"But he'll be back?" That came from Ben.

"Yeah, of course he will, guys. You know he'll always come back to us!" Dean reached out an arm to them both and they buried their faces in his neck. 

"Nothing's gonna change right?" Anna whispered.

Dean wasn't sure how to answer, but the raw fear in her voice brought out his protective instinct. "Of course not, honey."

"Promise?" Ben looked up at him.

"Yeah, I promise. Now, it's really late and I need teeth brushed and pajamas on. Anna you can sleep on my bed until your papa gets back, alright?"

The kids scampered off to do as he asked, both of them looking extremely relieved. Dean stood in the middle of the kitchen and wondered how on earth he was going to hold up that promise.

Forty-five minutes later, the kids were asleep and Dean was pacing the length of the living room. He had tried to watch a movie, but his heart wasn't in it. The kids words kept repeating themselves over and over in his mind. And he was trying very hard not to worry about Cas. He had just started on a search for ice cream when the apartment door swung open and Cas strode in, looking disheveled.

"Cas!" Dean forgot for a moment that there were sleeping kids in the house as he hurried towards him. "Is everything okay?

"Yes. I'm fine." Cas shrugged out of his trench coat and dropped into the armchair. 

"What happened?"

"I think I may have angered her." Cas sighed, stretching his feet towards the coffee table.

"What'd you say?"

"I, I may have mentioned that it wasn't her fault that her father was a deadbeat drunk."

"What? How did that even...you know what? I don't even want to know." Dean stared at his friend in disbelief.

For a moment there was silence and then Dean started chuckling, which started Cas laughing and next thing they knew, they were both doubled over nearly crying with laughter. The sound brought Anna, trailing her bear and rubbing her eyes, into the living room.

"Hi Papa!" She immediately crawled onto his lap. "What's so funny?"

"I seem to have amused Mr. Winchester," Cas managed to say.

"Man, I haven't laughed that hard in a long time. Years!" Dean wiped his eyes.

"I'm glad I was able to afford you that moment," Cas deadpanned.

Grinning over at Cas, Dean pushed all thoughts of possible broken promises out of his mind. For the moment, this was good.


	4. Chapter 4

After that night, Dean didn't try to set Cas up again. He didn't put too much thought into the motivations behind it, in fact, he really  
tried not to spend excessive time analyzing his friendship with Cas at all. They just were and that was that. Their friends knew that to invite Ben and Dean was to invite Cas and Anna, and besides, it's not like Cas had had a chance to meet people before Dean had run into him; Dean just insisted that all of his friends accept Cas into the inner circle. If there was the occasional confused look, well, people just didn't understand their dynamic. 

A prime example of this was the first time Dean and Ben took the Novaks to an amusement park. It was mid-June and they were celebrating the fact that school was out (and Cas and Dean were trying to figure out how they were going to occupy the kids for the next two and a half months and still get anything accomplished; it had become The Most Important Topic on their morning jogs). The fact that Cas had never been to a theme park, let alone taken Anna to one was appalling in Dean's opinion and he was determined that they would enjoy it.

The lady behind the ticket counter had said, "Aww, you guys are so adorable!" as she handed Dean his change. Dean assumed she was referring to the kids, who were studying a map of the park with Ben pointing out all of his favorite rides to a very serious-looking Anna. He smiled and told her, "We think so," turning away to help choose the first ride, totally missing her confused expression. 

They started slow, choosing the smaller roller coasters and swings to help everyone's stomachs prepare for the bigger ones. Ben had no fear, determined to ride everything he was eligible to ride, while Anna hung back, only trying things out at Ben's repeated encouragement. Cas had seemed a bit unsure at first, but as soon as he went on the first giant coaster, he was hooked. 

"It's almost like flying!" He had exclaimed.

Dean had never really compared roller coasters to the sensation of flying and found it was not something he really wanted to dwell on. He decided a change of topic was needed to ensure his continued peace of mind and suggested a stop for snacks. 

The day passed with everyone in high spirits. When the combination of too many sharp turns and spirals started to get to the kid's stomachs (and Dean's, if he was being honest), they headed to the water park area and proceeded to get soaked in the paddle boats and log jam rides. Cas managed to soak everyone else while staying relatively dry because he was a sneaky son of a bitch and Dean was determined to out maneuver him. Finally, with the help of the kids (and a few passerby who Cas had managed to soak in the crossfire), Dean was able to knock Cas into a small garden pond where he lay sputtering up at them and looking for all the world like an angry cat. 

"I'm going to get you back for that one, Dean Winchester." Cas said, indignantly holding out an arm to be helped up.

"I look forward to that, Castiel Novak. But the thing is, you've got to catch me first." Dean laughed, hauling him upwards.

The gathered crowd applauded and someone said something that sounded vaguely like, "That's so _inspiring_ , I wish my husband was that romantic," but Dean was sure he had to have heard wrong and brushed it off.

They spent the last hour revisiting their favorite rides and drying off for the car ride home. On the way out the gates, Cas insisted they pick up the photo they had posed for at the beginning of the day and when Dean caught sight of it, he bought three copies. It had captured them perfectly: Dean caught in the midst of a laugh, Cas regarding Dean with a slightly quizzical look, and Ben and Anna on either side, one arm slung around the other's parent. 

"It's perfect!" Anna had declared.

Dean agreed completely and as they headed towards the Impala, he threw one arm over Cas' shoulders to point out the sunset, a glorious mass of golds and reds and blues. 

"That's disgusting!" A strident voice sounded from behind them. 

Dean twisted, dragging Cas around with him to see what the person could possibly be referring to, and found a middle aged, balding man incongruously dressed in a suit, glaring at him.

Dean was at a loss for words, but Cas wasn't.

"Excuse me?" That was Cas' "I'm about to smite the living shit out of you" voice.

"You're an abomination to God living in sin in that way!" The man's voice was vicious.

Cas drew himself up to his full height, one hand pulling Dean closer and the other reaching for the children. His eyes flashed cold, but his tone was level, "God is utterly indifferent to sexual orientation. Perhaps you should tell us your sin before you attempt to judge someone else." 

The man's mouth opened and shut a few times and he eventually turned and slunk away. 

"Cas." Dean breathed. 

"I'd like to leave now, please Dean." Cas said, holding his hands out towards the children, who wore identical expressions of confusion.

Dean nodded and moved to lead the subdued group to the car. As soon as they were inside and settled, Cas turned to face the children. "Did you understand what happened there?"

Dean mirrored Cas and searched the kid's faces for signs of distress. 

"That man was angry at you and Daddy." Ben piped up.

"Yeah, he said really mean things. But I don't know why." Anna added.

"He said those things because he thought that Dean and I were in a relationship." Cas started to explain.

"Well, you are." Ben cut in.

"Yeah, we all hang out and stuff. And you're really good friends." Anna's face was completely sincere.

Cas raised an eyebrow at Dean and Dean shrugged one shoulder in response, giving him an encouraging smile. If looks could kill, Dean would have turned into a pile of ash, but Dean just smirked as Cas returned his attention to the backseat. No way was he touching this one.

"Yes, Dean and I are very close friends. We have a lot in common and we are able to help each other through the hard times. That doesn't mean we are dating, though. But the man was still incorrect in what he said. God does not hate people for who they love. There will be people who may say negative things like that, but they are just spouting hate. It's more important to love other people than it is to judge them. Do you understand?"

Ben half-nodded, half-shrugged and Anna said she understood, but Dean had the feeling this conversation was going to come back up in the future.

Cas smiled reassuringly at them and then turned back towards the front. "Let's go home, Dean."

"You're awesome, Cas." Dean told him, starting the engine. "Don't ever change."

His only response was Cas' soft smile, but it was enough.

 

+++

 

On July 4th, they were invited to Gabriel's Annual Fireworks Extravaganza. He had somehow managed to convince the city to block off the entire park for his especial use and half the town turned out for a potluck, various contests, a giant kickball game, and the amazing display of fireworks. When Dean explained the traditions to Cas, he had just shaken his head at his brother's antics, saying that he had always been incorrigible. Dean agreed that Gabe had definitely taken the town by storm; there was hardly a citizen who didn't know his name. 

They arrived early, joining up with the usual crew of Gabe, Kali, Sam, Ruby, Jo, Benny, Bobby, Ellen, and Ash to set up the long tables for food and to fire up the grill. There was much good-natured teasing, especially when Sam announced that Ruby was pregnant and Gabe asked Ruby if she was really up to carrying a baby moose. Dean was overjoyed at the news, giving Ruby a hug and congratulating Sam about a thousand times until Bobby finally demanded that "you idjits come do some actual work."

The townsfolk showed up in bits and pieces, bearing dishes of potato salad and jello and steaks, carrying cases of beer, and, most importantly, bringing pie. One of the contests was the Pie Bake-Off. This was Dean's personal favorite aspect of the day. Gabe had nominated him the Official Judge, after the year Dean had followed him around with puppy dog eyes. "It's because I have such a discerning palate," Dean informed Cas, who just rolled his eyes, but Dean didn't care. He got to spend a glorious forty-five minutes sampling every single pie in town.

Between Dean and Gabe, they got Cas to join their team in Tug-of-War and managed to win. Dean claimed it had everything to do with Cas who merely shook his head and pointed at Sam, who towered over everyone else. Dean conceded the point. Everyone joined together to cheer on the kid's sack races, and watching Ben and Anna attempt that one was probably the highlight of Dean's day. There was a watermelon seed spitting contest which had Cas laughing so hard he was crying watching Dean's efforts. 

The adults vs kids Kickball Game was a big hit every year. Bobby had appointed himself official Referee one year and no one had ever contested the point. Cas turned out to be pretty good at the long-shots into no man's land, but kind of terrible at stealing bases. Dean was extremely proud when Ben managed to strike out Sam (whose kicks were legendary). Dean was chatting to Ash about the best camping spots in the state, during the third inning, when a sudden shout from third base attracted his attention. Looking up he saw Cas full out running towards a small shape on the ground. It took Dean a second to catch on to the fact that there was an emergency and another to realize that was Ben on the ground. He reached him moments after Cas. 

Ben's left leg was twisted at an odd angle; he had tears running down his cheeks and was biting his lips with the effort not to cry out loud. Cas was cradling his head, speaking soothingly to him. Dean dropped to his knees beside them, grabbing one of Ben's hands. He was barely aware of the shouts for someone to call 911, focused on the trembling boy on the ground.

"It hurts, it really hurts." Ben moaned, his entire body shaking.

"It's okay, it's okay. The ambulance is on the way. You'll be fine. We're going to get you fixed up in no time. It's okay." Dean realized he was just muttering random encouraging phrases, one hand clutching Ben's. He was vaguely aware of someone gripping his other hand, but he couldn't be bothered to figure out who it was.

Before he knew it, the ambulance had arrived and someone was telling him he needed to move. "Dean, come on." The pressure on his other hand became more insistent and he turned to see Cas's concerned face. "Ben will be okay. We need to let these men do their job."

"Yeah, okay." Dean let Cas pull him to his feet. Watching the medics load his son onto a stretcher, Dean realized he was shaking. He could just hear Cas' soothing voice, but wasn't entirely sure of the words. 

"Are you riding with us, sir?" The man sounded very far away and Dean had trouble understanding him.

"Um..." His voice trailed off.

"Yes." And that was Cas. "He will be riding with you. Also I believe he is going into shock." 

Cas tugged Dean around to face him, "Dean, I'm going to be right behind you guys okay? I'll meet you there."

Dean nodded and climbed into the back of the ambulance, scooting along so he could grab Ben's hand.

The next thirty minutes were a blur of flashing lights and noise and action and a lot of people talking at once. Dean was relieved when Cas suddenly materialized in front of him. He reached out blindly and Cas pulled him in for a hug. Dean felt Anna's arms come up around them both.

"They didn't give you anything for the shock, did they?" Cas sounded irritated. 

Dean chuckled because for some reason that was very funny. Cas disentangled himself, leading him to a nearby chair, telling Anna to watch over him while he went off in search of some hospital personnel. Anna promptly crawled into Dean's lap and Dean wrapped his arms around her.

"Ben's gonna be alright." She solemnly told him, twisting so she could see his face. "Papa said so."

"Your Papa is very smart," Dean agreed, watching Cas let a nurse know exactly what he needed her to do.

Forty-five minutes later, Dean felt like he could finally breathe, standing by Ben's bed.

"He badly dislocated his left knee." The doctor informed them. "But he will heal up very nicely. He's young and healthy and I don't see this having any long term side effects."

"Can we take him home?" Dean wanted to know.

"I don't see why not." The doctor's smile encompassed all four of them.

"We didn't see the fireworks." Ben said as they wheeled him out of the hospital.

"I don't think there is any reason why we can't still go." Cas said, glancing at Dean for confirmation.

"If you're up for it, buddy." Dean agreed.

When they returned to the park, there were many hands willing to clear a space all the way up front for them. Ben was looking very worn out by the time they were settled, but he grinned at Dean. "This is the best 4th of July, Dad."

"Yeah? Why's that?" In Dean's opinion, this day rated pretty low on the overall scale of holidays.

"Cause this year we got Cas and Anna!" 

"Yeah," Dean smiled at the group. "And I think we'll keep them around." 

"We'll stay." Anna announced, dramatically throwing herself back on a pile of blankets.

"Yeah?" Dean looked at Cas and found him studying him. "You staying around with us Winchesters?"

"Of course."

"Well, alright then." Dean settled back between Cas and Ben. Suddenly he agreed with his son. This had been a pretty awesome 4th, all things considered.


	5. Chapter 5

The following evening, Dean, returning from a long day at work, entered the apartment building, Ben at his side, with plans to find Cas and Anna and maybe try out bowling (it couldn't be that dorky, right?) to find a woman standing outside the Novak's apartment.

"Can I help you?"

The woman turned and stared at Dean. She was well-dressed and kind of hot and normally Dean would have found her attractive, but her eyes sparkled with a dizzying mix of naiveté and cunning and something just felt off to him. "Do you know the people who live here?"

"I do." 

"Where are they?" Her tone was...cool, calculating, oddly sweet and Dean was instantly on guard.

"Who wants to know?"

"Meg!" That was Cas' voice.

Dean spun around to see Cas standing in the doorway with an expression of utter shock on his face. Anna was clutching one of his hands with a positively murderous expression on her face. 

"This is Meg?" Dean couldn't keep the amazement from his voice. This was absolutely not how he had pictured her. Like at all. Possibly because she usually came complete with vampire-like teeth and horns and a fiery trident in his mind. 

Cas seemed to wrench his shocked gaze away from Meg. "Yes. Dean this is Meg. Meg, this is my friend Dean."

"So are you guys like bestest friends then?" Okay, so maybe the idea of her having horns wasn't that far off. 

Dean gritted his teeth and glanced back at Cas. That man was still staring at Meg like he had seen everything and the world no longer held surprises. 

"No kiss hello, my lovely unicorn?" Meg's smirk was probably evident from space.

Dean turned a laugh into a cough and motioned for Ben to precede him up the stairs. "Well, on that note, we're going to get going. See you later Cas."

"But Dad..." Ben started.

"Huh-uh. Upstairs." Dean hushed him and hazarded a last look at Cas. 

Cas was looking at him in that searching, I-can-totally-see-your-soul kind of way that occasionally freaked Dean out, but right now he simply let it happen. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed Meg was staring at them with one eyebrow raised. He couldn't help feeling a little gratified for reasons he couldn't explain. At last Cas seemed somewhat satisfied and he smiled, though it didn't quite reach his eyes. "Goodbye, Dean."

Dean nodded and followed Ben up the stairs. There was a sense of finality that hung heavily in his stomach and he just knew that everything was about to change.

No sooner had the door to their apartment shut than Ben spun on him with all the force of an 8 year old on crutches. "Why are we leaving him there?" He practically spat the words. 

Dean stared at his son. Ben was usually an easy-going child who rarely questioned anything Dean said. Not that Dean was a particularly strict parent, but he had never seen this side of the boy before. 

"Ben, that was his ex-wife...."

"He hated her. He didn't want to be there. And you just left him." Ben was near to yelling.

"Ben..." Dean started to say something, though he wasn't entirely sure what, but Ben gave him one last half-scornful/half-disappointed look and stormily hopped his way to his room. 

The sound of his door slamming probably reverberated all the way down to the Novak's apartment.

Dean stood staring after his son for a good five minutes before he remembered how to move again. When he finally did, it was merely to cross to the arm chair, sink into it, and stare blankly at the wall. Somehow, in less than 24 hours, everything in his life had gone to shit and he wasn't sure how. He wasn't entirely sure why having Meg show up was a huge part of that or why there was an ache somewhere in his soul at the thought of losing Cas. Somewhere, somehow there were answers, but he was Dean Winchester and he preferred to avoid issues rather than deal with them, so after a few moments he roused himself enough to grab his phone and call for pizza, roundly ignoring the fact that Cas had promised to make his awesome lasagna. He flipped on the TV and tried to make himself watch something, but even the latest episode on his favorite hospital drama couldn't catch his attention.

When the doorbell rang, he went to answer it, grabbing his wallet on the way. Pulling it open, he found Anna standing there with a slightly reproachful look on her face.

"Anna! Come on in. Does your papa know you're here?" Dean stepped back, a bit afraid of a repeat of Ben's outburst. 

She totally surprised him by throwing her arms around his waist and starting to sob. "Whoa, whoa. Hey there. It's okay." Dean hoisted her up, closing the door with his foot, and heading to the couch. 

The noise brought Ben hesitantly tapping out of his room. When he found Anna, he settled beside Dean on the couch, patting her back. The three of them sat there until Anna's sobs settled down and eventually subsided, leaving her hiccupping slightly. When the doorbell rang again, Dean handed 20 bucks to Ben and nodded towards the door. The evening passed in relative silence. They switched over to reruns of old cartoons and passed pizza and soda back and forth quietly. For reasons that Dean wasn't investigating too deeply, he did not want to ask what caused Anna's breakdown.

Around 9, Anna was dozing on his shoulder and Ben was snoring with his head in Dean's lap, his earlier irritation subsided, when there was a quiet knock on the door, followed by it creaking open slowly. Cas entered the room, surveying the scene in front of him with a gentle smile. 

Anna opened one eye, saw her father, and hastily shut it again. Cas edged closer, finally perching on the edge of the coffee table. For a moment no one said anything.

"She can stay here tonight." Dean wasn't entirely sure what made him say it, but he was glad he did when Anna burrowed a little closer to him after hearing the words.

"I think that might be for the best." Cas' voice was unusually low.

"Everything alright?" 

The other man sighed deeply before replying. "As well as it can be, I suppose." He glanced at Anna thoughtfully before continuing, "She just wanted to check in on...Anna."

Dean wasn't entirely sure what to say to that.

Cas returned his focus to his daughter. "She does love Anna, no matter what mistakes she has made in the past. I think she wants to spend some time with her. I hope they have that opportunity. Meg has good qualities."

Since he wasn't really talking to him, Dean nodded, content to just listen. After a long moment, Cas glanced back up, meeting Dean's gaze head on. The stare held and lengthened almost uncomfortably. Dean broke it first. "I should probably..." He trailed off.

"Yeah, yes, of course. I'll just go then. I'll see you tomorrow?"

Dean cringed inwardly at the questioning tone, but put on a smile. "If you have time. I don't want to intrude."

"You don't intrude. I just, I need..." Cas broke off. He shifted in his seat and stared down at his daughter again. "I need some time Dean. Just, I just need a little time."

"Right. Yes. Time. I can do that." Dean wasn't sure what he was agreeing to, but at the moment he wanted to promise Cas anything. 

"Thank you, Dean." He leaned forward and was suddenly right in Dean's personal space, placing a gentle kiss to his daughter's forehead.

Dean cleared his throat and for a moment they stared at each other. Then Cas abruptly stood and headed for the door, stopping once he reached it to glance back. "Just a little time, Dean."

Before Dean could reply, Cas was out the door and Dean was left clutching two sleeping children.

 

+++

 

When Dean's alarm rang at 5:00 the next morning, he shut it off and stared up at the ceiling. He was torn between throwing on his shoes and heading downstairs to see if Cas was there and the utter disappointment he would feel if he wasn't. Somehow he knew that he wouldn't be there. He was probably curled up with Meg, sleeping peacefully. In the pre-dawn darkness her horns and trident appeared in vivid detail and he could picture her fangs dripping blood as she dragged Cas away, laughing maniacally. Dean shook himself out of that mental picture and tried to refocus, but he found it damn near impossible. His mind kept taking him down rabbit trails wherein his brain tried to force him to focus on things which he had no wish to focus on. Like why this was bothering him so much. And why Anna clung to him last night. And why the thought of Cas following Meg (because let's be real, Cas was freaking badass and no way was Meg forcing him to do anything) made Dean feel like throwing up. He attempted to close his eyes and fall back asleep, but his mourning routine was too deeply ingrained and his body was raring to go. He forced himself up and began his stretching routine, attempting to ignore the fact that he probably wouldn't be seeing Cas today.

He saw Cas again on Wednesday when he came up to collect Anna. No one said much, though Ben wrapped his arms around Cas and hung on.

On Thursday, Dean sent Anna back down right before her bedtime, attempting to ignore the venomous looks both children directed at him.

When he showed up to guy's night on Friday without Cas, the pitying looks sent his way almost made him turn around and walk away. As it was, he got cleaned out so thoroughly and was so miserable, he almost wished he had. Benny clapped him on the shoulder on the way out and wished him good luck and Dean had the overwhelming urge to punch someone in the face.

Saturday was hell. Sunday was a thousand times worse because Sunday was the obligatory family dinner at Sam and Ruby's and Ben sulked in the front hall closet and Ruby was patronizing without meaning to be and Sam tried to be supportive and came across as more patronizing than his wife. Dean suddenly couldn't handle another moment and he excused himself, swallowing his irritation long enough to ask them to watch Ben for a few hours. They agreed, with more sympathizing looks. 

By the time Dean arrived at the park, he was already breathing heavily and by the time he had completed his third lap, he was ready to pass out, but he kept going, forcing himself to run fast enough and hard enough to drown out his thoughts and feelings. It felt like his entire world was falling down around him and he had no idea how to reconstruct it.

When he finally allowed himself to collapse on the ground, he realized he was only a few feet away from where they had watched fireworks one short week ago. He closed his eyes, trying to remember how that had felt, the relief, the feeling of rightness, but he couldn't. He felt like he hadn't taken a proper breath since he had walked in to see Meg standing in the hallway. After a long moment, he pushed himself into a sitting position and began to take stock of everything. The important thing here was to do what was best for Ben and Anna. What he wanted (and really, he didn't want to get into that because he had the feeling that once he opened that box it wasn't ever going to close again) simply didn't matter as much as what they wanted. It was obvious they needed each other and he was pretty sure (okay fifty percent sure) that he could convince Cas not to take Anna too far away from Ben. And if Meg was back for good, which all evidence was pointing to, then Dean would just have to suck it up. Maybe it was time for him to get back to doing Casual Hook-ups; it had been too long. There was a chick who kept bringing her car in for ridiculous repairs that he was pretty sure (okay ninety-nine percent sure) was doing it to get his attention. She wasn't too bad looking, dark hair and blue eyes, he could totally get into that. For at least one night. Probably. Anyway, the point here was that the kids needed dependability in their lives, both of them had experienced entirely too much upheaval, and if that meant that Dean had to be polite to Meg for their sake, he could do that. If he had to. If he never had to actually see her. He sighed wearily, pushing himself to his feet. Dean was never any good at this and he had no idea how to handle it without Cas. With a heavy heart, he started the slow walk back to Sam and Ruby's, feeling more alone than he had since Lisa died.


	6. Chapter 6

It hardly seemed possible, but the second week dragged by slower than the first. Anna spent far more time at the Winchester's apartment than she did at her own and everyone had decided it was the best part of valor to just ignore this fact. Dean caught sight of Cas at odd moments as they rushed through the building's entryway. Meg was always with him and it was always awkward. Each time Cas avoided his eyes or Meg sent a smirk in his direction something in Dean died a little more. It wasn't that he had forgotten the plan he made in the park, it's just that Cas and Meg weren't giving him a chance to set it into action. He considered subtly asking Anna about any plans for the future and then remembered a) he's not very good at subtlety and b) he's not entirely sure he wants to know. He spent most of the week hiding in his apartment, half watching animated movies with the kids and half staring vaguely into space wondering where everything went wrong. He had even more time to think than usual because try as he might, he couldn't make himself sleep past 5 am anymore.

Dean thought back through each and every interaction he had with Cas, wondering what he should have done differently. Was it trying to set up Cas with that girl at The Roadhouse? Cas had seemed pretty upset that night. Was it when he'd teased Cas about just being a baby without any powers when they'd had a Mario Brothers tournament and Dean had solidly kicked Cas' ass? He'd just been kidding, but Cas had seemed offended. Had he not given Cas enough space to do things on his own? It hadn't seemed like Cas minded being dragged around to hang out with all of Dean’s friends, but maybe that was Cas just being polite. The questions reverberated through Dean's mind, barely giving him a moment of peace, finding new ways to blame himself for Cas walking away. 

On Wednesday, when the woman returned to the shop with her car (a prissy Fiat), Dean was too wrapped up in the awkward encounter with Cas and Meg on the way out the door that morning to do more than just smile at her vaguely as he told her the car was just fine. It came out sounding more harsh than he'd intended and she (he couldn't currently even remember her name) had looked up at him in surprise. For a moment she looked hurt and then it faded into compassion. She set a hand on his arm, "I'm sorry, I didn't realize you were seeing someone. I hope it all works out for you." For the rest of the day, Dean wondered what in the hell she was talking about.

On Friday, he didn't bother going to Guy's Night, but he did ask Jo to watch Ben overnight. He went to a bar he never normally went to and proceeded to down three glasses of the strongest whiskey they had. Once the world had settled into something of a haze, he approached a group of women and attempted to work his magic, but somehow he must have lost his technique because they just smiled and turned him down, albeit gently. He returned to the bar and ordered shots without enthusiasm. When the bartender eventually held out his hand for Dean's keys, he passed them over without complaint. He knew he was in no condition to drive and didn't want to endanger Baby. Unfortunately the alcohol wouldn't let him forget as much as he had hoped it would. It just made him angrier. So, when someone tapped him on the shoulder, he spun around and let out a punch without thinking. Thankfully he was drunk and the other person wasn't because they easily sidestepped him.

"Whoa there Dean-o, it's just me." 

If he focused hard enough, he could just recognize the general outline. "Oh. Gabe. Sorry." Dean made an effort to return to the barstool.

"Oh no you don't." Gabe blocked his way, catching his arm. "You're getting out of here buddy, whether you like it or not."

Dean put up a solid protest, but he was drunk and Gabe was not. Eventually they headed to the door, one of Dean's arms firmly over  
Gabe's shoulder. When they got to the car, Gabe awkwardly maneuvered him inside.

"Dude, your car's fugly." Dean slurred, tipping his head back and closing his eyes against the sudden tilt of the earth.

Gabe steadily ignored him, buckling Dean's seatbelt before starting the engine. 

Dean rolled his neck on the headrest so he face Gabe and forced his eyes open. "Why'd you there?"

"Why am I the one who gets the oh-so-amazing privilege of picking up your ass from that sleazy bar? Because your baby bro is at a dinner party and I got a pleading call from my baby bro." Gabe responded.

Dean mulled over that one for awhile, trying to make sense of it. He failed. "Huh?"

"Eloquent as always, eh Dean-o? Sam's too busy to play nursemaid to your inebriated self and Castiel's too blind to notice what's right in front of his elegant nose." 

That made even less sense, but trying to figure it out made Dean’s head hurt and he eventually zoned out. He was vaguely aware of Gabe  
helping him out of the car and of grunting when he ran into a signpost. Later he couldn't remember if Cas was actually standing in  
the hall when they got inside or whether that was his imagination. He had definitely imagined Cas stepping forward to put a hand on his shoulder, quietly apologizing for something or other. And he had absolutely imagined Gabe telling Cas to get his head out of his ass and man up or to get the hell out of Dodge while he still could. 

When he awoke the next morning, the slant of the sun told him the day was nearly half over. He groaned with the effort to open his eyes, cursing the fact that he was no longer 18 and couldn't just jump out of bed after a night like that anymore. When his rolling stomach forced him to head to the bathroom, he was surprised to find a plate of toast sitting by the sink with no note. It was still a little warm, and he steadfastly refused to think about Cas coming in there. He grabbed his robe and headed to the living room, sinking into the couch and praying that the world would just stop spinning. He was still sitting there when his phone rang.

"Lo?" 

"Dean? You awake?" It was Sam.

"Obviously." Yes, he was a little bitchy, so what.

"I meant, I just..." Sam broke off and started again. "Are you feeling okay?"

"No, I feel like I got run over by a truck." Dean leaned his head further into the couch.

"I'm sorry that I couldn't come get you last night, but when Cas called..."

"What?" Dean's eyes snapped open.

"When Cas called me? About picking you up?" Sam sounded uncertain.

"Cas called you?" Dean echoed, trying to wrap his mind around the fact.

"Yeah...didn't Gabe tell you? Cas called him when I couldn't get away."

Dean tried to remember the conversations from last night, but nothing was coming through clearly. When he was quiet too long, Sam spoke again. "You didn't know."

"No." That one Dean could answer.

"Yeah, man. Um, I think he went a little crazy last night when you didn't get back. He called Jo and she told him you went out alone. And, I don't know, Dean, I think he just got worried that you'd...." Sam trailed off.

"That I'd what?"

"Get hurt." Sam said, but it didn't ring true and Dean had the feeling that wasn't what he had been planning to say. However, his head hurt too much to push it. 

"Hmm. Well, Gabe got me, so all's good. I should probably call Jo and check in on Ben, though." He knew it was an excuse to end the conversation and figured Sam would know it too, but at the moment he really didn't care.

"Yeah, okay. See you Sunday?" It was a question.

Dean hesitated and the silence stretched on a little too long. 

"Well," Sam eventually cleared his throat. "Let me know, okay?"

"Mmhmm," Dean said noncommittally. "I'll talk to you later, Sam."

He hung up and stared at the phone for a long moment. The world was making both more and less sense with each passing moment. Stretching out on the couch, he forced himself to think back over everything once more. It had been a long time since he had gone out and gotten that drunk, not since Lisa died, in fact. For some reason that seemed important and he tried to work out why, but he kept running into a brick wall every time he thought he was getting close. Eventually he gave up and picked the phone up to call Jo.

"Hey Dean." She answered on the first ring. "How're you feeling?"

He grunted in response. "How's Ben?"

"Pretty upset, to be honest." Jo was always blunt and Dean appreciated that about her.

"He mad at me?"

"Yeah, a little. More mad at the universe, I think. He wants a family, Dean, and he thought he'd gotten one."

"I know the feeling." And shit, that had slipped out. "I mean..."

"I know that's what you meant, Dean, don't lie to me." It's time like this that Jo really reminded him of Ellen. "Someone needs to give you a kick in the ass."

"I am so sick of people saying that!" Dean raged, ignoring his pounding head in favor of finally getting this off of his chest. "People acting like they know shit I don't about my life."

"No, they know shit you aren't admitting about your life." Jo corrected.

"See, like that. You got something to say to me, then damn well say it. Stop with this stupid mind-reading shit."

Jo let out a laugh that sounded almost sardonic. "Dean, I've known you since you were 10. You may be slow, but you aren't stupid. You know exactly what's going on here, but you won't admit it. And I sure as hell am not going to hold your hand on your way to discovering your feelings."

Dean fought the urge to flip his coffee table and slam the phone against the wall. He gritted his teeth against the rush of angry words and forced himself to breathe. "It's not about...me. This is about..."

"If you say the greater good I will come over there and kick your ass into next week. And we both know I can."

She absolutely could, he had firsthand experience with this. Dean stayed silent for a moment and then finally almost whispered, "I just want him to be happy."

"Ben or Cas?" Jo asked, straight to the point as usual.

"Both." The admission felt like a weight off his shoulders.

"Pretty sure the same ending would make all of you happy." Dean wasn't sure how to respond and, after a moment, Jo went on. "You have to man up and go for what you want. Listen, Dean. I've known you forever. And what you had with Lisa, it was great, it was beautiful, but you have the chance to have that again. In fact, you have the chance to have something better. Because you've made mistakes, both of you, and you can learn from them and make this thing really great if you try. But you've got to man up and do it. And stop pussyfooting around like some giant 12 year old." 

Dean sat up a little straighter at the speech. Last time Jo had taken him to task was when Lisa had come to him crying, clutching a positive pregnancy test. He had fled to the Harvelle's, pacing up and down Jo's bedroom and ranting. When Jo found out he had left Lisa in the middle of the park, she had punched him in the jaw and told him in no uncertain terms that he was the biggest asshole to ever walk the earth and he ought to be ashamed of himself. Then she had grabbed him an icepack and driven him to the park. Ten minutes later he had begged Lisa for forgiveness and asked her to marry him.

"Did you hear me, Dean Michael Winchester? Because I won't hesitate to punch you again." Obviously her mind had gone back to the same incident. 

"I hear you." He admitted quietly.

"Good. Now go get him. And don't come pick up Ben until you can look him in the eye and tell him you did your best."

"Yes, ma'am."

"And don't call me ma'am."

Dean was still chuckling when he hung up the phone, but it quickly died away when he realized what he had just agreed to. He liked Cas. No, that wasn't quite true. He was kind of, maybe, really in love with Cas. He tried saying it out loud and he was surprised it didn't sound as cheesy as he thought it did. Yeah, he did need to talk to Cas, but not in a pair of boxers and his robe.

After a shower, two aspirin, and three outfit changes, he quietly left his apartment, giving himself a pep talk as he headed down the stairs. In fact, he was so wrapped up in trying to build up his courage, he walked headfirst into the man. 

For a moment, Dean could only stare at Cas, enjoying the sight of his blue eyes and just-rolled-out-of-bed hair and then he shook himself out of it. They both spoke at the same time.

"We need to talk."

"At the park?" Dean asked, searching Cas' eyes.

"Yeah, I think that might be for the best.

They walked there in silence. Dean's stomach was rolling again and he had the uncomfortable feeling he might lose the toast in the bushes. He was extremely nervous over whatever it was that Cas had to say, positive that he was about to tell him they were headed back to New York. He realized he was not above begging Cas not to leave and he rehearsed his speech the entire way. 

They settled themselves on the same bench they had that long ago Sunday and Dean tensed when Cas opened his mouth. "Dean, I..."

Suddenly Dean couldn't take it any longer. He didn't want to hear how Cas was taking Anna and moving thousands of miles away. "Cas, don't." He interrupted. Cas looked at him, surprise and sadness in his eyes. "Let me, let me say what I got to say first, okay? I think it'll be easier."

Cas nodded in agreement, his eyes never leaving Dean's. He was struck by how tired Cas looked, the dark circles under his eyes and the sag in his shoulders. Before he could lose his nerve, he moved his gaze to the jungle gym and forced himself to speak. 

"Listen, I know that I was really stupid and I didn't say what I should have a long time ago. And it's probably too late now anyhow. But I - Ben really doesn't want to lose you, Cas. Please think about staying here. I can get another place if it's uncomfortable. And Ben can visit. And Anna can visit us too. I think that's important. New York is a long ways away. I don't think that they should travel alone all that distance. So, if you could stay here that would be awesome. For the kids." Dean realized he was rambling and incoherent and promptly shut his mouth. He could feel his face turning red.

"For the kids?" Cas enquired softly.

"Yeah." Dean stubbornly kept his gaze trained on the playground.

"When I met you, you showed me how much of life I had missed out on. I'm not sure I even really knew what it meant to be happy until you ran into me that day. And you and Ben have given us so much. But Meg deserves happiness too. I can't just ignore that." Cas' voice was level, but there was a hint of something sad behind his tone.

"Yes, but so do we!" Dean exploded suddenly. He angled his body towards Cas and bent until he caught his eye. "If there is anything worth fighting for, this is it."

"Dean." Cas started and then stopped, narrowing his eyes at Dean, almost as if he were weighing his sincerity.

For what seemed like an eternity, they sat and stared at one another. Dean felt like somehow the rest of his life hung in the balance.

Finally Cas spoke again. "Am I staying for you or for the kids?"

"Pretty sure we could find a happy ending for all of us." Dean quoted Jo, hoping he'd gotten it right.

Judging by the low chuckle from Cas, he had. "Okay."

"Okay?" Dean hardly dared to breathe.

"Yeah. Okay. I'll stay."

"With Meg?" Dean had to ask, he had to know.

"Meg gave me an ultimatum after last night." Cas shifted, suddenly awkward. "Told me you or her. Here or NYC."

Dean stared at Cas expectantly. "And?"

"I told her I was staying here." Cas finished, glancing quickly at Dean and then away.

"And you made me say all that?" Dean exclaimed.

"I needed to know how...I needed to know if you felt the same." Cas responded quietly. "I wasn't going to force myself where I'm not wanted."

"You're wanted." Dean muttered at his shoes.

Cas reached over and grasped Dean's hand, linking their fingers. "Let's go get the kids and then order Chinese."

Dean studied their joined hands and then looked up at Cas, meeting the other man's smile with his own. "Yeah, okay."


	7. Chapter 7

The four of them spent the rest of the weekend together, barely letting each other out of their sight. The kids were on top of the world, looking as if everything they had ever wanted had come true. Dean called Sam late Saturday night to let him know he and Ben couldn't be there because they were marathoning the Harry Potter movies with the Novaks. He could hear Sam's excitement over the phone. After he hung up, he looked over at Cas above the heads of the kids, who were stretched out between them fast asleep. Cas met his gaze with a gentle smile. 

"You good?" Dean felt the need to ask.

"I am, Dean." 

"You want to meet up tomorrow morning to run?"

Cas' smile softened even more. "I would love to. I've missed that."

"Yeah," Dean said, shifting Ben so he could lift him. "Me too."

The following week was so wonderful, Dean had to periodically stop and make sure he wasn't hallucinating. He had almost forgotten what it was like to come home from work to find Cas cooking spaghetti in the kitchen and Anna sprawled across the couch with her latest favorite book. After dinner the four of them would sometimes venture out for ice cream or to go bowling (it really wasn't as dorky as Dean had thought it was) or simply to enjoy an evening at home with a board game or a movie.

When they dropped Ben and Anna off at Jo's before Guy's Night on Friday, she gave Dean an approving nod and shook hands with Cas. The guys were thrilled to see Cas back, even when he systematically cleaned them out in Poker.

On Sunday afternoon, Ben brought up the idea of wanting to go to summer camp. When Dean reminded him of his crutches, Ben brushed it off, saying he could keep up with the other kids just fine. This is how they found themselves poring over brochures from various summer camps until they found one that Cas said appeared to have a good learning environment. Dean called them up and quizzed them on their safety procedures. When he was satisfied, he passed the phone to Cas who interrogated them on their adult-to-child ratio and learning standards. Ben and Anna looked like they were planning on changing their names and possibly fleeing the country. But eventually Dean and Cas were both satisfied and they booked a week for the kids.

Which is how, two weeks later, Dean found himself inspecting a cabin and shaking hands with a skinny kid in an oversized coat who introduced himself as Garth Fitzgerald IV. 

"He'll be fine, Mr. Winchester." The kid said. 

Dean narrowed his eyes at him. "I will hold you responsible, if he isn't."

"Me and Mr. Fizzles!" He held up his other hand to reveal a sock monkey puppet.

Dean nearly took them all out of the camp at that moment, but Cas caught his arm. "Let's go see Anna's cabin."

Dean sent one more scathing look at the kid before allowing Cas to lead him away. 

When he met Anna's counselor, he immediately approved of her. She was a red-haired young woman wearing a Star Trek t-shirt and no sign of a sock puppet. She told them her name was Charlie and allowed them to do a sweep of the room without interference or judgment.

After several hugs and admonitions for expected behavior, they left the kids with their respective groups and went to find the camp director. He was a somewhat nervous man who held out a hand, introducing himself as Chuck.

"If anything happens to them while they are here, I will hunt you down to the ends of the earth." Dean told him matter-of-factly. 

"Is he, is he serious?" Chuck glanced at Cas.

Cas leaned forward to study Dean. "Yes. That's his serious face."

Chuck gulped. "Your children will be fine, Mr. Winchester. I p-promise."

Dean nodded and turned on his heel. Cas smiled reassuringly at Chuck and shook his hand, "I'm sure they will Chuck. But, just so you know, we both know how to hide a body. Have a good week."

By the time they got to the Impala, they were laughing so hard they could barely walk.

The week was long without the kids and Dean found Cas wandering around the apartment with a lost expression on more than one occasion. He didn't mention that he had slept in Ben's bed the first night. It was the first time either man had spent a significant amount of time away from their child. But it was also awesome to be able to hang out with Cas without interruptions. Dean introduced Cas to movies like 'The Clockwork Orange' and 'Across the Universe' and sat back and watched him get wrapped up in the storyline. Cas' bright eyes as he raved about this or that plot point made something tight in Dean's chest relax. 

On Thursday, Dean took Cas out for dinner at the new Middle Eastern restaurant. It wasn't Dean's typical choice, but he knew Cas would love it. Cas talked him into trying hummus and naan and tabouleh, raving about "alternating flavors" and "original recipes." Dean just sat back and grinned at the man across from him, happy to be here in this moment. 

Afterwards, they went to an all-night diner to pick up a pie to-go and drove out to Dean's favorite spot. It was a walking bridge, spanning the river that wound itself around the city. At that time of night there were quite a few couples looking for a quiet place to make-out and enjoy the stars. Dean had brought his own fair share of dates up here, but this was the first time he had felt like this about one. Even with Lisa, he hadn't been so overwhelmed with emotions. He had been young, more overwhelmed with his desire to get her naked than his desire to have a meaningful conversation. 

Sitting on the edge of the bridge, legs dangling over the side, they shared the pie in companionable silence. When they did start to talk, it was about every day things, the coming end of summer and whether or not Ben would recover enough to play football. 

At one point, Dean glanced over and noticed that Cas had a bit of filling on the edge of his lip. Without thinking, he reached over to wipe it off with his thumb, belatedly realizing what he was doing. He faltered, catching Cas' eye, and losing himself in the emotions he saw reflected there. For a moment, time seemed to suspend itself and then he moved his hand, clearing his throat. "Anyway, um, I guess we'll leave to pick up the kids at 8?"

"That sounds good." Cas' deep voice was doing things to him. Apparently he had desires towards Cas other than just conversation. 

It wasn't long after that they decided to head back. Dean couldn't help but feel like things had changed between the two of them, the atmosphere felt more charged somehow. When he left Cas outside of his apartment, he lingered for a moment, staring down at Cas. Cas moved first, reaching up to place a gentle kiss on his lips. "Goodnight, Dean."

Dean stood frozen, watching Cas gently close the door behind him.

 

+++

 

When they picked up Ben and Anna, the two children were covered in dirt and paint splatters and were bursting with about a thousand stories apiece. Dean was so delighted to see them he didn't even mind the amount of mud that was bound to get rubbed into the Impala's seats (much). The kids chattered the whole way home, sharing tales of counselor hunts and archery and water balloon fights. Ben declared that Garth was "pretty awesome" and Dean decided to take his word for it and Anna announced she planned to grow up to be just like Charlie and Dean figured that could be pretty cool. When they got to the part about the mid-week campout, Ben dramatically announced that he wanted them to go camping and Anna enthusiastically agreed.

"You want to go camping?" Dean asked incredulously. 

"Yeah! With tents and cookouts and..."

"And be in the middle of nowhere and go hiking and..."

"And making hotdogs and s'mores over a fire!"

"And we want to do it before school!"

They tripped over each other's sentences, trying to impress upon Dean and Cas the importance of this idea. Dean looked at Cas and gave a sideways shrug. "Why not? Could be fun."

"Yeah! Can we Papa? Can we?" Anna bounced up and down in her seat.

"I can't see why not, as long as you both settle down back there." Cas said mildly. 

Ben and Anna sank back into their seats with big smiles. "Can we go soon?" Ben asked.

"Yeah, before school starts?" Anna added.

"How's your knee feeling? I noticed you seem to have misplaced your crutches." Dean met Ben's eyes in the rearview mirror.

"Ahh, well, I lost them." Ben pointedly stared out the window. Anna cleared her throat significantly and looked down at her hands.

"You lost them?"

"Yep. It's busy at camp. We did lots of stuff. And they just, got...lost." Ben was still seemingly obsessed with the passing fields.

"Benjamin." Dean's voice was low. "What happened to your crutches?"

Ben shrank down in his seat a little and in a small voice said, "I burnt them."

"You did what?" Dean jerked the car hard to keep them on the road. Cas laid a hand on his arm and inclined his head to the side.

Dean compressed his lips and nodded at Cas. "How did that happen, Ben?" Cas' voice was a lot gentler than Dean's had been.

"I hated them. This kid made fun of me and I didn't want him to anymore. So, when we went on the camp out, Mr Garth, he let me burn them in a cer-ceremonial fire." Ben's voice was edged with tears. 

Dean tried to curb his wrath towards the unknown kid who had made fun of Ben. "It's okay, buddy. I'm not mad. I just wanted to know what really happened to them."

"Do you want another pair or are you okay without them?" Cas asked, the ever-present voice of reason.

"I'm okay." Ben sniffed. 

"I punched the kid." Anna announced.

It was Cas' turn to give his daughter a look. "You punched what kid?"

"The kid who made fun of Ben." Anna did not look ashamed at all. "He was a bully and he had a weird name and I punched him."

"Did you get in trouble?" Dean wanted to know.

"Nope. Well, a little bit. Ms. Charlie wasn't mad, but Mr. Chuck seemed a little upset. He sent the other kid home though cause lots of kids saw him be mean to Ben. His name was Alastair and he was 13." Anna explained.

"Well." Dean said, glancing sideways at Cas. "I'm glad he got sent home. And I'm glad you stood up for Ben. Perhaps you might try going with less force next time." 

Cas nodded his agreement, still looking a bit shell-shocked that his daughter had punched someone. 

"So," Dean said with another reassuring look at Cas. "How about that camping trip?"


	8. Chapter 8

They planned the trip for the third week of August and Dean took a long weekend off of work. School started two days after they planned to return, so Cas took the kids school shopping while Dean inventoried what they could borrow from friends and what they already owned. 

As he waterproofed a giant family-sized tent, packed dishes and food, and coiled rope and twine, he definitely did not think about sharing a small enclosed sleeping space with Cas. Neither of them had mentioned the kiss since the kids had returned. It's not that Dean was against the idea of kissing Cas, he was all for the idea, preferably multiple times as frequently as they could, but the time had never seemed right to bring it up. They had taken to holding hands whenever possible. At first Dean had been worried about the kid's reactions, but if he had been expecting a big display, he was disappointed. Neither of them acted like anything was out of the ordinary. To be honest, Dean wasn't entirely sure what Cas thought of the whole thing. Sure, he had initiated the kiss, but Dean hadn't had a chance to respond, he'd just stood there like a teenager on his first date, something he berated himself for every day. 

When Cas, Ben, and Anna returned, they were burdened with enough pencils, notebooks, and clothes to fortify a small army.

"Did you guys buy them completely out?" Dean laughed, taking in the kid's enthusiasm and Cas' long-suffering expression.

"No, we left some stuff for everyone else." Ben replied solemnly. "But, there was a lot of cool stuff this year."

"Yeah, plus we got new backpacks that we can use for the trip first!" Anna dived into the back of the Impala to retrieve them.

"You alright there?" Dean asked Cas in an undertone as the kids sorted through their new belongings.

"Yes. I'm a little tired, but it was rather enjoyable." Cas smiled up at him. "Thanks for letting me use the car."

"Yeah, of course! Anytime." Dean busied himself with rolling up the sleeping bags. If anyone had ever told him he would willingly hand off the keys to his baby to someone else, he would have called them crazy. But then he'd met Cas and suddenly crazy seemed kind of normal.

The amount of things that four people needed to survive in the woods for a weekend was ridiculous, but they were finally all packed into the Impala and under way. 

They weren't going far, only about two hours outside of the city, but for Ben they might as well be heading to the moon. Watching his son's excitement, Dean felt a momentary pang for not having taken him on trips or vacations. It's not like they'd had the time, or the inclination, but that didn't stop Dean from blaming himself. Anna had done more traveling, but Ben's excitement was contagious and soon they were both excitedly pointing out landmarks. 

"Don't blame yourself." 

"What?" Dean raised his eyebrows at Cas.

"You don't need to blame yourself for not having time to take Ben places." Cas' voice was quiet.

"Seriously? How did you know what I was thinking?"

Cas just smiled and pointed out a cool rock formation to the kids. Dean was left to muse on Cas' apparent superpowers for the rest of the trip.

They settled into the campground easily enough. Getting the tent up was something of a circus, but eventually everything was in place and Dean was working to light the fire. Ben and Anna were determined to outdo each other and collect the "biggest armful of firewood _ever_." Cas laid out hot dogs and slaw and set up a pot for the baked beans.

"You know we have to all sleep in the same tent, right?" Dean questioned, staring meaningfully at the can of beans.

"Yes, I know." Something about Cas' tone made Dean think he wasn't referring to Ben's negative reaction to beans.

He chanced a look at Cas' face and found such an expression of fondness, he couldn't bring himself to look away.

"Are you trying to set yourself on fire?" 

Anna's question brought his attention back to the present and to the fact that his jeans were smoking. In the ensuing chaos, the moment was lost, but it was a constant presence in the back of his mind for the rest of the evening.

Around 9, the kids were falling asleep over yet another s'more and Dean announced it was bedtime.

"We need to tell stories!" Ben said in the midst of a giant yawn.

"Well, once you two are in your pajamas and sleeping bags, we'll see about a story." Dean told him.

Apparently, peeing in the woods was more entertaining than Dean would ever have considered it to be and by the time they were zipped into their sleeping bags, the kids were much more wide-awake. 

The sleeping order had been determined by the kids when the tent had gone up, and when Dean entered, he discovered they had decided that he and Cas would be sleeping in the middle with the kids on either side.

"You guys are going to bed now too, right?" Ben wanted to know, casting hesitant looks over his shoulder at the encroaching shadows.

Dean glanced at Cas who was working the knots out of the kids boots. He gave a half-shrug without looking up.

"Okay. You guys settle down a bit more and think what kind of story you want and I'll put the fire out." Dean agreed.

Twenty minutes later, Dean propped himself up on his duffel bag and surveyed the tent. Ben was curled on his right side and Cas was stretched out to his left, one arm around Anna. 

"So, story time? What kind of story are we going for tonight?"

"We should do the story in rounds!" Anna declared.

"Yeah!" Ben agreed. "And we each add no more than...three sentences."

"Each of us?" Cas questioned.

"Yep! And I'm gonna start." Ben said. He flopped onto his back. "Once upon a time in the woods, there was a lion who lived in a cave. He liked to prowl around the woods looking for kids. One day he stumbled onto a super secret science factory!"

"He was looking for the kids because he liked them." Dean hastily added. "At the super secret science factory, he found a giant rabbit who was cooking up an awesome new recipe for invisibility. And they were excited to share it with the public."

"The lion was a greatly misunderstood creature," Cas said thoughtfully. "He just wanted to be loved and so he went to the factory looking for friends. He found the rabbit and said hello."

"The rabbit didn't like him at first. But then he trusted the lion so he made him a chef and told him all of his recipes. And the lion became super famous!" Anna continued.

"But then he drank too much of the invisibility soup and it made him disappear for a long time, like for 10, no, 50 years! And everyone was super worried about him. They had to call the police and the FBI and the SWAT and the army!"

"Eventually he came back to being visible and discovered that he had been stuck in a time warp and so no time had passed. He was reunited with his friends. He immediately went to tell the rabbit that he was back." Dean studiously ignored the dark looks his son was sending his way.

"The rabbit was very happy to see the lion because they had become very good friends. They went on a long walk and talked about a great many things. The rabbit was very interested to hear the lion's opinions on the meaning of life." 

"They eventually got bored of talking so they decided to go on a vacation. They traveled all over the world for a year. They saw the Eiffel Tower and the Great Pyramids and got an audience with the queen." 

"While they were with the queen, they heard about a plot to kill her, so they had to go chase after the bad guys. They chased them all over London and England and Italy and finally found them in an old alley. So they beat them up and hung them over a bridge and got lots of money for being heroes."

Dean was giving serious thought to restricting his son's television privileges and almost missed his cue. "Yes, and the queen made sure that the bad guys were given a fair trial. During the trial, it was discovered that they had been falsely accused. The rabbit and the lion were very sorry that they had behaved in such a way." 

Cas sounded like he was trying to restrain laughter when he continued the story. "They decided to return back to America and to the woods because they were very happy there. The rabbit went back to being the CEO at the science factory ("The super secret science factory!" Ben interrupted.) - the super secret science factory, I apologize. The lion became the new top chef and began to make delicious pies at the factory."

Dean gave Cas a look, but the other man was intently studying the shadows on the tent wall and seemed completely oblivious to anything else.

"The factory became a world-famous restaurant and people came from thousands of miles around to see it and eat there. The lion and the rabbit were no longer lonely and they realized they loved each other and so they decided to get married. They lived happily-ever-after in their super secret science pie factory in the woods forever. The end." Anna finished contentedly. 

"That was a pretty good story." Ben declared, burrowing into his pillow.

"Yeah, it was." Dean noted that neither Novak would make eye contact with him and decided to drop the subject for the moment. "And now I think it really is bedtime. I'm turning the flashlight off now. Goodnight guys."

Three "goodnights" chorused back to him. Silence reigned for all of five minutes. 

"Daddy." 

"Yes, Ben."

"It's dark."

"Yes, it really is. Darker than camp, I think." This came from Anna.

"Just imagine the lion and the rabbit are keeping guard over you." Cas spoke up.

"Oh, yeah. That's a good idea." Anna agreed.

"Goodnight again." It sounded like Ben was completely under his sleeping bag.

"Goodnight."

Dean cautiously stretched out a little further, working to avoid running into Cas. It was going to be a long night.

 

+++

 

The next day Ben was awake and eager to go at 8:15. Dean dragged himself out of the tent blinking his eyes blearily. For reasons he couldn't figure out, he had slept better than he had in a very long time.

They spent the morning exploring as much of the woods as they could and getting profoundly lost. Cas was a veritable walking field guide and kept them all enthralled while he shared stories about moss and berries and pointed out animal tracks. At noon they found a small lake and ate a lunch of sandwiches and soda before Anna decided she wanted to fish. By the time they made it back to the campsite, the thought of trekking back to the lake was not as appealing. Dean promised her they would return to the lake first thing in the morning. 

Dean and Cas declared they were too old to be doing that much hiking and begged out of the afternoon explorations, only telling the kids they needed to stay within whistle-hearing distance.

Dean pulled the folding chairs out of the Impala and sank into one gratefully, watching Cas wander around cleaning up the site.

"I loved the woods when I was kid. Dad would take me and Sammy up here a lot before Mom died." Dean found himself explaining. "But after she died, I don't know. He kind of fell off the rails and nothing was ever the same. I just couldn't bring myself to bring Ben up here before."

Cas took the other chair before responding. "No one is blaming you, Dean. Ben least of all. He's not upset that you never brought him up before. Besides, I don't think you could have handled all the memories on your own."

"No, I couldn't have. But I still wish I'd done more for him somehow."

"You're a single father, Dean! You're raising an amazing son. Don't be ashamed of what you've done." Cas sounded positively upset.

"Thanks, Cas. You've done more for us than you know. I couldn't have done this without you." Dean stared into the ashes of the campfire and avoided Cas' face.

"I'm happy to have helped."

Dean wasn't sure how to respond to that and the silence stretched to an almost uncomfortable length. Eventually he realized he ought to call the kids back and it was getting close dinnertime. 

He stood and lifted his whistle, stopping for a moment when he caught sight of Cas' face. "You've helped us an awful lot."

Cas just smiled at him and went to start gathering some firewood.

After a delicious meal of burgers cooked over the open fire, Cas took the kids to a nearby rise to watch the sunset while Dean cleaned up the campsite. 

He felt like there was more that needed to be said on the subject, but wasn't sure how to bring it up. This emotional stuff wasn't really his area of expertise. Sam was the King of the Heart-to-Hearts and Dean found himself wishing for the first time in his life that he could figure out how Sam did it. Things had been a great deal less complicated with Lisa. They'd made out in a dark movie theater, had several rounds of sweaty sex in the back of the Impala, gone to prom together, and then she'd gotten pregnant. Dean had found himself getting swept along for the ride, not needing to make decisions or chart the course of the relationship. This thing with Cas was different and not just because Cas wasn't a 17-year old cheerleader. The whole guy thing was something Dean had acknowledged about himself during his freshman year in high school when he'd found himself jerking off to the thoughts of his very male and very attractive gym teacher. But it was nothing he'd needed to worry about because then he'd met Lisa and everything had fallen into place. He knew that if he wanted this thing with Cas to be anything other than their awkwardly platonic friendship, he was going to have to put some effort into it. But he had no idea how to do that. Before he could formulate any sort of plan, the kids were trooping back, calling for s'mores.

The next two hours passed in a blur of marshmallows, stories about different constellations (courtesy of Cas), and a detailed explanation about a turtle they had found that afternoon (courtesy of Ben). The next time Dean looked at his watch, he was shocked to discover it was almost 10:30. He sent the kids to get ready for bed and once they were settled into the tent with hugs and easy access to a flashlight, he told them they could stay up and whisper until they fell asleep, but that he and Cas wouldn't be inside for a little while. 

Cas gave him a questioning look, but Dean merely grabbed his hand and led him to a clearing that was close enough to the tent to keep an eye on it and far enough away they wouldn't be overheard.

"I want to watch the stars with you." Dean said, propping himself against a log and trying not to be too embarrassed.

Cas gave him a surprised smile and settled himself against the log, one arm pressing against Dean's. 

For a while they enjoyed the nighttime sky and the noises of the nocturnal creatures, until Dean decided to go for it and broke the silence. "I don't think I was clear earlier." He said, turning so he could watch Cas' face. "I don't think Ben and I would be in such a good place right now if it wasn't for you and Anna in our lives. You said that I'm doing a good job with Ben, but you are doing an amazing job with her. She has been a very good influence on Ben."

"Even the part about punching a kid at camp?" Cas raised his eyebrows.

Dean chuckled softly. "Yeah, even then. Ben lets people walk over him too much. She's been good for him. And you - you've been good for me too." 

"You've been good for me, Dean." And how Cas sounded so normal, Dean had no idea.

"Well, good." Dean scuffed his boot through the leaves and tried to think of something emotional to say, desperately trying to channel Sam. "I hope you're planning on sticking around then, you know, for awhile."

It was Cas' turn to chuckle and he reached out and caught Dean's hand, intertwining their fingers. "I believe we've established this, Dean. I'm not going anywhere."

"Yeah?" Dean chanced a glance at Cas' face.

"I love you, Dean." Cas said, his voice soft.

Dean felt his face turn red and then lose all color. He turned his head away and tried to shift his body further away also, but Cas wouldn't let him, catching his chin and turning it back. Cas studied his face for a long moment and finally spoke. "What's the matter, Dean? You don't think you deserve to be loved?" 

Dean honestly couldn't think of how to respond to that, trying and failing to avoid Cas' piercing gaze. 

"It's okay, Dean." Cas said. "I'll be here when you're ready."

"I thought I was." Dean muttered, focusing on Cas' left ear.

Cas said nothing, releasing Dean's hand to put his arm around his shoulder and pull him close. Dean had no idea how long they sat there. Long enough to for him to lose the tension in his shoulders and to almost doze off with his head comfortably burrowed on Cas' chest.

 

+++

 

The four of them were up early on Sunday, sleepily making their way to the lake with fishing poles and cereal bars. Cas introduced the kids to the fine art of catch-and-release and they spent a glorious hour attempting their luck. Anna had more success than Ben because his attention kept getting distracted by random butterflies and clouds. Eventually, Anna had enough and both kids begged to go swimming. Dean couldn't see any reason why they shouldn't and decided that swimming sounded like a brilliant idea to him also. In short order, all four of them were splashing and carrying on in the water and if Dean was having trouble keeping his attention away from Cas' shirtless chest, well, the kids were too busy having splashing competitions to notice.

The morning passed pleasantly and all too soon it was time to pack up and head back to the campsite. Dean delegated various parts of the tear down to the kids and before they knew it, they were back in the Impala and headed home. 

They were halfway back to the city when Ben caught sight of an ice cream stand. "Can we stop, Daddy?"

"Yeah Daddy, can we?" Anna echoed and then stopped, mouth dropping open when she realized what she'd said.

Dean maneuvered the car into a parking spot before turning to grin at her, reaching out for Cas with his free hand. "We sure can, honey."

He was rewarded by her bright smile and both kids tumbled out of the car. Dean moved to exit the car and was stopped by a quiet thank you from Cas. He sent a grin in his direction and went to follow the kids. 

When all four of them had finally chosen their flavors, Dean headed to the window to pay. The young woman behind the counter gave him a slightly coy smile and Dean was momentarily surprised by his lack of interest. He glanced over his shoulder at Cas and the kids; they were perched on the hood of the Impala, slurping their cones with intense expressions. Turning back to the lady, he was surprised to see her expression had changed to one of quiet understanding. 

"You have a beautiful family." She said as she handed him her change.

He glanced back at the little group and was met by enthusiastic waves from the kids and Cas saluting him with his ice cream cone. He laughed aloud and grinned at the lady. "Yeah, I sure do! I love them." It felt good to say that out loud, even to a random lady at an ice cream shack. And one day soon he'd get the courage to actually say it to the man who he could currently hear explaining the migratory patterns of geese to his enthralled audience.


	9. Chapter 9

The next few weeks flew by as the kids settled back into the routine of school and homework. With Ruby starting to feel sick due to her pregnancy, Dean had asked Cas if he would mind picking up Ben when he picked up Anna, even though Anna had started at the middle school and Ben was still at the elementary. Cas had laughed out loud at that and continued to chuckle intermittently through the rest of their morning run. Dean never did get an answer out of him, but his phone buzzed at 2:45 with a text from Cas saying that Ben was safe and sound and not to worry. 

When Dean arrived home one evening in mid-September, he found Cas seated at the kitchen table with what looked like an entire office supply store spread out in front of him. 

"Everything alright there, Cas?" Dean asked, walking over to see what was going on.

"Yes, I've just been thinking that we need to move."

"Move?" Dean felt the color leave his face, but before he could say anything else, the kids came racing out of Ben's room eager to regale Dean with tales of their day at school.

By the time Anna had finished excitedly explaining how she stood up for a kid getting picked on "without punching him this time" and Ben had set a very convincing argument for trying out for football, Cas had cleared a reasonable space at the table for dinner and was serving up his homemade lasagna.

Dean wanted to bring up the moving conversation, but was pretty sure it wasn't a good choice to do it front of the kids and, as a result, the evening seemed to drag out interminably. It was a Wednesday, which meant Game Night, so as soon as the dishes were done, the four headed to the living room to play Yahtzee, Clue, and Scrabble. Anna basked in her numbers, Ben in his deciphering, and Cas in his word skill and Dean remembered why he hated them all. He left them basking in their glory and went to dish out the ice cream, claiming none of them had his ice cream scooping skills. Ben challenged him to a duel and Dean graciously declined.

At last it was bedtime for the kids, and when Dean exited Ben's room after tucking him in, he found Anna curled up on the couch with a Harry Potter book and an iPod. Cas was back at the table, flipping meaningfully through a group of papers.

"So," Dean said. "What's up with you moving?" He was going for nonchalant and was pretty sure he missed it completely.

"Not me, us." Cas said conversationally. "I think I'm in the mood for tea this evening. Would you like some?"

"Um, sure." Dean said, leaning against the counter and making no move towards the kettle. "Us?"

"Well, if you want some, but it isn't usually your thing." 

Dean was fairly certain that Cas was joking about something, but the man was studying the papers with a completely straight face. "I meant..." He trailed off and stared at the back of Cas' head.

"I think peppermint would be nice. Also, sometime before the end of the month, I should think." Cas set down the sheaf of papers and picked up a ledger.

"Where are you moving?" Dean still made no move away from the counter.

"I figured that would be a group decision. Possibly raspberry zinger though, could be a nice change." Cas picked up a pen and tapped it against the ledger.

"What would be a nice change?" 

"The tea, of course. Are you making it or shall I?" Cas finally looked up.

"Um, no, I can." Dean forced himself towards the cabinet and grabbed the kettle on his way. "So, did you have thoughts on where you were moving?"

"Not particularly. Some place bigger though. Also preferably where I can't hear the neighbors. Mrs. O'Neil in 1B is practically deaf and if I have to listen to Wheel of Fortune while editing Intro to Theology for much longer I shall probably lose my mind. On second thought, I think lemon tea would be nice."

Dean's head spun with the sudden topic jump. Cas had returned his gaze to the ledger and was leisurely flipping through it. Dean focused on heating up the water and grabbing a handful of tea boxes. "Here," he deposited them next to Cas. "You can choose."

Cas smiled up at him. "So, what do you think?"

"Um, peppermint is always nice." Dean mumbled, dropping in the chair opposite.

Cas laughed aloud. "I meant, of moving."

"Oh, well, I mean, if you want to, I guess. It's your decision." He studied the kitchen tile studiously.

"Dean." There was a different tone to Cas' voice and it made Dean look up. 

Cas was staring at him with a slightly raised eyebrow. "I think I may have been unclear. I was talking about us moving..."

"Yes, you said." Dean interrupted.

"No, Dean." Cas stretched his hand out and grabbed his arm. "Us. All four of us."

"Wait, all four of us?" Dean repeated back.

"Yes, all four of us getting a place together. I only signed a six-month lease and I believe your renewal lease is coming up, if I am not mistaken. Buying a house makes sense." Cas explained.

"Buying a house. Together." Dean echoed faintly.

"Well, it seemed like a good idea." Cas let go of Dean's arm and fidgeted with the ledger. "But, if you don't want to..." He trailed off.

"No!" Dean burst out, surprising himself with his intensity. "No, I want to." He stood and moved around the table, sinking down into the chair next to Cas and grabbing Cas' hands with his own. "I love the idea. I thought, I just thought you were saying that you and Anna were moving."

Cas' eyes snapped up to meet his. "We wouldn't do that. Dean, we aren't leaving you."

"Yeah, " Dean forced himself to breathe for a moment. "Yeah, I'm getting that."

Cas leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss to Dean's forehead, bringing his arms up to wrap around him. Dean leaned into the hug, one arm clutching Cas. They sat like that for a long moment before Cas finally pulled back a little to look him in the eye. "So, what do you think?"

"About moving?" Dean asked. "I love that idea. I had an account set up for that purpose before Lisa died and I've kept on adding to it, so I've got a good bit of money set aside."

"Excellent." Cas practically rubbed his hands together. "So, my thought is to be out before the end of the month. And I saw the cutest little house when I picked up the kids from school today."

Dean could only laugh, watching Cas suddenly become animated, pulling random papers over and explaining the pros and cons of this house.

 

+++

 

Three weeks later, standing knee deep in boxes and crates, Dean was not sure what had possessed him to think this was a good idea. Oh yeah, that would the way Cas could just give him that certain, wide-eyed, isn't-my-plan-awesome look and Dean hadn't the heart to turn him down. The kids were one hundred percent behind the idea, especially after they'd had a tour of the place and discovered the good-sized bedrooms, awesome basement-turned-den, and the tree-lined backyard. 

As Dean attempted to figure out just how he was going to fit the next load of belongings into the Impala, his mind wandered back to the tour of the house and the conversation he'd had with Cas. It had dawned on him while they had been standing in the upstairs hallway that the house only had three bedrooms. The kids had been debating the merits of the two smaller bedrooms and the realtor was standing a respectful distance away, staring pointedly at her phone. 

_"Cas." Dean had said. "There are only three bedrooms."_

_"Yes." Cas moved towards the largest bedroom, grabbing Dean's hand and pulling him along behind him._

_"Are we..." He swallowed thickly and started again. "Are we sharing this one?"_

_Cas stopped in the middle of the room and turned back towards him. "Do you mind?"_

_Dean personally thought that was a ridiculous question, but all he said out loud was, "No, I don't mind."_

_"Are you sure?" Cas sounded suddenly very unsure._

_"Cas..." Dean tried to say something, but found he couldn't speak. He was always better at actions anyway. Grabbing Cas' shirt with both hands, he pulled him close and pressed his lips to Cas'. It was brief and Dean immediately started feeling embarrassed, but Cas made a sound in the back of his throat and curled a hand around the back of Dean's neck, pulling him closer, deepening the kiss. They broke apart, breathless when the realtor cleared her throat primly from the doorway._

_Ignoring her, Dean had stared at Cas, eyes wide._

_"So you really don't mind?" There was a glint in Cas' eye and Dean could only chuckle._

That had been two weeks ago now. They had shared a few more kisses in the days since, but the chaos of combining two apartments and four people's accumulated belongings into one house was taking nearly every ounce of concentration. Nearly, because Dean had stolen a kiss when Cas announced that Dean's prized Star Trek memorabilia deserved its own wall in the basement den and another when they'd had a particularly stressful day shopping for rugs and a new refrigerator and Cas had pre-ordered pizza, which they all shared surrounded by boxes in the middle of the Novak's kitchen floor.

If the kids were at all confused as to why Dean and Cas had suddenly taken to kissing randomly, neither one of them mentioned it. In fact, when Dean thought about it, it seemed to him like the kids went out of their way to act as if it was completely normal. He made a mental note to remind Cas that they needed to have a discussion about it at some point, or for Cas to have a discussion with the kids while Dean backed up whatever he had to say.

Dean had left most of the decorating of the new house in Cas' more than capable hands. Whether burgundy or crimson went better with a particular shade of blue was not really Dean's strong point in life. Cas had recruited Sam and the two of them had spent a lot of time holding various paint chips together and discussing crown molding. Dean had spent most of his time making sure that the roof was really and truly waterproofed and the first floor toilet stopped overflowing. If it was up to him, the walls would stay off-white. "They are cream, Dean!" Sam had cried exasperatedly at him when he had voiced that opinion, but Cas had just smiled and thanked him for arranging the living room bookshelves.

Still, his favorite moment had been standing in the middle of the storeroom, staring down at the king-sized bed Cas had pointed out. Sam had busied himself discussing "swatches" with a harried-looking employee. 

_"So..." Dean found he had nothing coherent to say._

_"It's alright, Dean." Cas squeezed his hand. "We're not rushing into anything."_

_"We're buying a house together, Cas." Dean said dryly._

_"True." Cas huffed a laugh. "But this is, this is different."_

_Dean thought that Cas was probably the only person on earth who thought buying a house together and sharing a bed was less rushing than having sex, but he was profoundly grateful for him._

_"It'll happen when we're ready, Dean." Cas waited until he caught Dean's eye to continue. "When we are both ready."_

Dean closed the Impala's trunk, praying he hadn't crushed anything really important. Provided that Sam and Gabe could both fit decent-sized loads into their respective vehicles, it should only require two more trips before the rest of their belongings were officially out of the apartment building. Tonight would be the first night in the place and Dean wasn't exactly nervous, more slightly apprehensive. Hell, who was he kidding? He was scared shitless.

He knew neither of them was really ready for sex. The decision might seem old-fashioned to some (Gabe had made it pretty clear that he believed Dean and his brother were doing it on a regular basis, an announcement that made Dean seriously consider punching the man and Cas making sure that the kids attention was occupied on other things) and certainly in his younger days, Dean would have questioned his sanity on the subject. But this was different, Cas was different. It wasn't that Dean hadn't fantasized about sex with Cas in great detail because that was pretty much his favorite thing to spend late nights enjoying, but he knew that actual sex with Cas would be more powerful, more significant than sex with anyone else. Dean had never taken sex with Lisa seriously, never recognizing the powerful bond that it created with someone. He regretted not treasuring her, not treating her like every inch of her was beautiful and loved, but he had the chance to do this thing with Cas differently and he was absolutely determined to show Cas how important he was and how much Dean cared about him.

The rest of the afternoon passed in a flurry of dodging people carrying heavy objects, shouts of "Don't put that there!" and an exhausted meal of pizza with the whole crew. And if Dean never saw pizza again, he would be a happy man. After everyone left, the four of them decided that a movie sounded like a good choice. Unfortunately, the movies ended up being buried in a stack of boxes in the bathroom for reasons unknown and by the time they fished them out, exhaustion had won the day and they all unanimously headed upstairs to bed. The bedrooms were some of the only completely finished rooms and the kids were soon collapsed in their individual rooms.

Dean had just stepped out of the bathroom (and yeah, the master bedroom had an attached bath) to find Cas leisurely stretched against the headboard, clad in a t-shirt and boxers. Dean approached his side of the bed (and when had they decided sides?), fighting down his apprehension, when a small knock sounded on the door.

"Daddy?" Ben's voice sounded. "I'm scared."

"Whatcha scared of, buddy?" Dean asked, opening the door and lifting his son.

"There aren't very many lights in my room. And the trees are making funny shadows." Ben said, burying his face in Dean's shoulder. "Can I sleep in here?"

Dean glanced over his shoulder at Cas who gave him a what-can-you-do shrug.

"Yeah, son. But only for tonight, okay? Tomorrow we'll see about getting you a nightlight."

No sooner had the words left his mouth than Anna's face peered around the edge of the doorway. 

"Are you scared too?" Cas questioned.

"No, I'm not scared." Anna said, drawing herself up to full height and then slumping back down. "Just wanted to see what you guys were doing."

"You can sleep in here too." Dean grinned down at her.

Anna grinned and threw her arms around his waist. 

When the kids were finally settled and the lights were out, Dean found himself pressed between Cas and Ben. He found Cas in the darkness, kissing him softly. 

"Guys!" Anna sounded very put out. "I'm trying to sleep here."

"Go to sleep then." Cas said, reaching up to press another kiss to Dean's lips.

"You guys are so gross." Ben added sleepily.

Dean laughed out loud, flipping onto his back and finding Cas' hand. "Goodnight everyone."


	10. Chapter 10

Over the next few weeks, the four of them found themselves quickly establishing a daily routine. Mornings were always a bit rushed, everyone racing in fifteen different directions. Dean would drop the kids off at school so that Cas could get started on his editing work and Cas would pick up the kids in the afternoons, supervise homework, and between the three of them, dinner was on the table around the time Dean arrived home. The evenings were still spent playing games, finishing homework, or relaxing around the house. 

The week before Halloween they had their first major argument. Dean had always enjoyed dressing up as a kid and he had taken Ben every year. He brought up the idea at the dinner table and was utterly surprised to be met with resistance from Cas. Cas explained he didn't really see the point of the holiday, dressing up seemed ridiculous to him. Ben immediately sided with Cas, claiming he hated the costumes and didn't like ringing stranger's doorbells. Anna, on the other hand, was excited about the opportunity since Cas had never taken her trick-or-treating. The discussion quickly grew a bit testy and culminated with Ben leaving the room in tears and Anna, Dean, and Cas sitting at the kitchen table in shock.

For a moment, none of them spoke. Anna was the one to break the silence. "I can go talk to him, if you want." 

"Yeah, okay." Dean found himself agreeing, still staring in the direction his son had gone.

After Anna left the room, the silence returned and stretched out. Neither of them seemed to know what to say and they weren't making eye contact. Dean stared at his plate in silence, distantly hoping that the mashed potatoes would give him the answers he needed. For the most part, the four of them worked well together, seamlessly moving around one another to accomplish their daily lives. He wasn't sure what had gone wrong in this discussion, but he had the feeling they had been building towards this for awhile. Sure, life had entered a routine, but it was starting to feel like it was resting on a time bomb and eventually something was going to explode and everything was going to collapse underneath of them

"We need a compromise." Cas finally spoke up.

"Okay?" Dean was open to suggestions at this point.

"I could stay home with Ben and you could take Anna out."

Dean lifted his head and stared at Cas. "You would do that? Let me take Anna?"

"Yes, of course I would." Cas sounded a bit offended at the question. 

"Well, I mean, if you're sure. And Ben really didn't seem like he wanted to go." That was the understatement of the year. "So, yeah, I guess that sounds like a plan." Dean returned his attention to his plate.

"I'm sure." Cas paused and then continued, "Do you want me to tell the kids?"

"Yeah, sure. Do you mind?" Dean stood up and began stacking the plates. "I'll just clean up."

"Yes, alright." 

As Cas left the room, Dean couldn't help but feel like nothing had really been resolved. He loaded the dishwasher and put away the leftovers still feeling on edge. The rest of the evening progressed relatively smoothly. Ben and Anna focused on finishing the last of their homework and Dean picked up the latest Vonnegut book he was working through while Cas thumbed through a Longfellow anthology. Before the kids went to bed, Ben came over to give Dean a hug, muttering that he was sorry into Dean's ear and asking if he could stay with him till he fell asleep. Dean agreed, a little bit surprised. Ben was turning nine in a few weeks and had taken to wanting to say goodnight downstairs, claiming he was too big to be tucked in, but Dean wasn't complaining about the request. By the time Ben fell asleep, Dean was drooping with exhaustion and he dragged himself to their room, collapsing onto the bed with a groan. He was nearly asleep when he heard Cas enter the room and go through his nighttime routine. 

Dean felt the bed move when Cas climbed under the covers. "We should probably talk, Dean." 

"Um." Dean managed into his pillow. "Now?"

"Tomorrow will be fine." Dean heard Cas sigh, but sleep was claiming him and he couldn't bring himself to fight it.

The next morning was chaotic as usual, and Dean had time for nothing more than a quick, "We'll talk tonight, Cas" as he herded the kids to the car. 

The kids were unusually silent during the ride and even Dean's attempt at blasting AC/DC failed to bring them around. They reached the elementary school first and Ben reached over the seat to wrap his arms around Dean's neck, whispering an "I love you" before quickly exiting the car. When they got the middle school, Anna surprised him by suddenly throwing her arms around him, before she too hastily left the vehicle. Dean was left sitting in shock until the honk of the van behind him reminded him that he was blocking the lane. 

He couldn't shake the feeling that something was very wrong and he almost begged off work to drive home and talk to Cas, but he figured he'd get the chance tonight; no use borrowing trouble. He had almost successfully blocked everything out of his mind, in favor of concentrating on installing a new fuel line in a Mustang, when his cell phone rang.

He was surprised to see Gabe's number and grinned as he answered. "What's up, Gabe? You miss my voice?"

"Dean. You need to come to the school." Gabe was using his professional tone.

"What's the matter?" Dean moved towards Bobby's office. "Is Ben okay?"

"There was a fight." Gabe said, his voice tight.

"Oh God, I'm on my way. Did you call Cas?" 

"No. Should I?" 

Dean barely refrained from rolling his eyes. "Duh. Can you ask him to meet me there?"

He hung up and stuck his head in Bobby's office and the man waved him on his way. Dean was pretty sure he broke a traffic law or two on the way and was relieved to see Cas stepping out of his vehicle when he arrived at the school. Cas hurried over and grabbed Dean's hand.

"It's okay, Dean." 

"What's gotten into him?" Dean scrubbed his other hand over his face. "This isn't Ben."

"I know." Cas squeezed Dean's hand. "We'll figure it out."

They entered Gabe's office together and found Ben slumped into a chair, holding an ice pack to his eye. There was another boy seated in the other chair, his parents standing behind him. They raised their eyebrows at Dean and Cas as they walked in, eyes flicking to their clasped hands. Dean rolled his eyes, heading straight for Ben. On closer inspection, Ben was also sporting a puffy lip and a bloody nose.

"Thank you for coming in." Gabe spoke from behind his desk. If he was a menace to society outside of school, inside of it he was a consummate professional who took his job extremely seriously. "I've already talked to both boys, but I'd like them to explain to you four what happened. Jesse, why don't you start."

Dean focused his attention on the other boy for the first time and decided he looked like a snotty little shit. His lip was bleeding and there was scrape down the side of his face. "I didn't really do anything." He said sullenly. "He just got mad..."

"Jesse." Gabe cut him off. "Let's try that again, shall we? Tell everyone what happened."

The kid rolled his eyes and started again. "All I said is that he didn't have a real family. And then he punched me."

Dean started forward and Cas brought up a restraining hand. 

"Thank you, Jesse." Gabe's tone was dry. "Ben, can you to tell us your side?"

"It was during art class and we were drawing our families and I drew mine and then my friend Claire asked about everyone and I told her and then Jesse told me that it wasn't real cause Daddy's not married and Papa's not really mine and I punched him and I'm not sorry." Ben finished in a rush, his voice shaking.

Dean dropped his hand on Ben's shoulder and saw Cas do the same. 

"Well, regardless of whether you are sorry, we can't have fighting in this school." Gabe said. "And Jesse, criticizing someone's family is bullying and that won't be tolerated. Both of you are suspended for three days." 

"Now Mr. Novak." Jesse's father started, his voice as silky as his expensive suit.

Gabe held up his hand. "My decision is final, Mr. Turner. You should be thankful I am still allowing both boys to attend the Halloween party on Friday. If you have any complaints, I suggest you take them up with Principal Collins, but I think you'll find he'll back up what I've said."

The Turners didn't look happy, but moved to head out of the room. Mr. Turner glared at Dean as he brushed past him. "You should raise your son better."

"You should raise your own son and leave Ben's raising to us." That was Cas and he sounded angry.

Dean swiveled his head and took in Cas' eyes flashing blue fire. Mr. Turner apparently had nothing else to say and swiftly exited the room, closing the door with more force than the occasion required. Dean moved to follow, but was stopped by Gabe's voice.

"Hold on, you three." He regarded them from across the desk. "I don't know what's up with your behavior, Ben, but I don't like it. Is there anything you want to say?"

"No." Ben scuffed the toe of his shoe on the carpet and refused to look up.

"Are you sure?" Gabe watched Ben for another moment and when it became apparent he wasn't going to say anything else, he sighed deeply. "Alright, buddy. Can you wait outside for a moment?" 

Gabe waited to continue until Ben had closed the door behind him. "Ben's behavior has been getting worse. I haven't wanted to say anything because I know you all are still adjusting, but he has been disrespectful to his teachers and provoking the other students. I'm not sure what is causing it, but I'm getting worried. I've tried talking to him, but he won't explain it."

Dean listened to Gabe with a growing sense of dread. This was completely unlike Ben and, until last night, he hadn't seen any negative behavior out of him in months. 

"We'll talk to him, Gabriel." Cas responded. "We'll get to the bottom of it."

"Is everything okay with you two? At home?" Gabe questioned.

"Gabe!" Dean exclaimed. "Not appropriate."

The shorter man sighed, tipping back in his chair. "Ben's behavior is textbook "problems-at-home," that's all I'm saying."

"Well, don't." Dean said shortly. "We good to go?"

"Yeah, go on. Let me know if there is anything I can do to help?"

Dean was still shaking when they reached the hallway. Ben was sitting on a bench and looked defeated. "Come on, buddy." Dean held out his free hand to his son, suddenly aware that he was gripping Cas so hard his fingers were going numb. Glancing over at him, he apologized, loosening his grip. Cas gave him a small smile and refused to release his hand altogether.

They made their way to the car in silence and once they got inside, Dean made no move to start it up. His mind was spinning with things to say and none of them would come out. He looked over at Cas and found him watching him closely. For a moment the two stared at each other and then Cas spoke. "I think we should go get Anna and have a family discussion."

Dean wordlessly nodded his assent and drove them to the middle school. When they arrived, Cas headed inside to sign her out while Dean waited in the car with Ben. Dean stared out of the windshield numbly, trying to figure out how they were going to handle this. 

"Are you mad at me?" Ben's voice sounded from the backseat, almost too quietly to be heard. 

"Buddy, no." Dean turned in his seat to look at his son. "I'm not mad at you at all. I'm just trying to figure out what's going on."

"Are you mad at..." Ben trailed off, jerking his head towards the passenger seat.

"Am I mad at Cas?" Dean raised his eyebrows in surprise. At Ben's miniscule nod, he went on. "No! I'm not mad at him either. I'm not mad at all."

"You're not going to make us leave?" Ben whispered, gaze intent on his hands.

Before Dean had a chance to respond, the doors opened and Cas and Anna slid into their seats. Dean turned to look at Cas, Ben's question echoing through his mind.

"What's wrong?" Cas questioned.

Dean couldn't find his voice, continuing to stare mutely at Cas. Eventually he dragged himself out of his stupor and started the car, guiding it out of the parking lot in silence. The fear that Ben's question had raised in him was threatening to bury him and he was having trouble focusing on anything else. When he found himself pulling into the lot next to the park, he was somewhat unsurprised.

The four of them exited the car and headed towards a picnic table. The park was relatively deserted at that time of day and it was very quiet as they seated themselves. The silence continued to drag out and Dean suddenly realized he was staring at Cas and that all three of them were staring at him. Turning to Ben, Dean finally broke the silence.

"Ben, can you repeat your question?" He asked hoarsely.

Ben blinked at him and then shifted his gaze to the picnic table. "Are you going to make us leave?" He asked in a small voice.

There was another moment of stunned silence following his question and then Anna spoke up. "Are we leaving, Papa?" 

"No." Dean was surprised at the strength of Cas' voice. "We aren't leaving."

Dean felt the force of Cas' gaze on his face and looked up to meet it head on. "We aren't leaving either."

"Are you sure?" Ben pressed himself to Dean's side. 

"Yes. We're staying." Dean rested his hand in Ben's hair and then continued. "Why are you guys so worried about us leaving?"

It was the kids' turn to look at each other. 

"Um." Ben started and then broke off.

"Cause we aren't officially a family. And we don't know what to call you guys. And you aren't married or anything. And you guys seem stressed." Anna's voice rose with intensity. "And when mom was mad she left. And we really don't want you guys to leave."

When she was finished, Dean took Ben's hand and reached across the table for the Novaks, pulling them all towards the grass. When the four of them were seated in a tight circle on the ground, he looked at the three of them in turn before speaking. "Papa and I are committed to this family very much. I'm sorry that we haven't made that more clear to you guys. We may not be a traditional family, but that doesn't make us any less of a family, okay? Maybe someday we'll get married, but for right now I don't want any of you to worry that any of us are going to leave because we get mad or stressed." He took a deep breath and then turned his gaze to Anna. "Anna, I would be very happy if you called me Daddy. I think of you as my daughter just as much as Ben is my son."

He was not entirely surprised when Anna wrapped both arms around him, her eyes filling up with tears.

"I agree completely." Cas said, his hand tight in Dean's. "Ben, I would be honored if you called me Papa."

A moment later, Ben was on Cas' lap. 

Dean looked at Cas across the heads of the kids and grinned at him. "Is there anything else you guys need to talk about?" Dean asked.

It turned out that the kids had a lot of questions about things, ranging from the laws about gay marriage to whether they were still mad about Halloween. Cas and Dean did their best to answer every question and had a few of their own and by the time they had all run out of things to ask, it was nearing 3:00 and all of their stomachs were growling. They decided to go for an early dinner of burgers and milkshakes and they had a great time laughing and joking, but Dean had a nagging feeling that things weren't completely resolved. Watching Ben try to talk Cas into dipping his fries into his shake, Dean knew he had to make the time to talk to Cas alone. Excusing himself for a moment, he headed outside, flipping open his phone to call Sam. His brother was thrilled to get the chance to hang out with the kids and Dean felt a lot better when he slid back into the booth. 

"Is everything okay?" Cas asked quietly.

"Yeah," Dean said, stealing a fry off of Anna's plate and ignoring her indignant squawk. He raised his voice and continued. "You guys are going to spend the night at Uncle Sammy's tonight."

"What are you guys gonna do?" Ben wanted to know.

"We," Dean grabbed Cas' hand. "Are going on a date."

"A date?" Cas questioned.

Dean met Cas' gaze and smiled. "Yep. I'm taking you out tonight."

"I think it's time to go then." Cas said, suddenly all business.

Dean chuckled as he watched Cas herd them all to the car and he continued to chuckle as Cas sped the kids through the process of packing overnight bags. 

"You in a hurry there, Cas?" Dean teased

Cas narrowed his eyes at Dean and Dean laughed, holding up his hands in surrender. "I'll take the two rascals and come back and pick you up?" 

Cas nodded and stepped forward to land a kiss on Dean's lips. When he pulled back, Dean wrapped one arm around Cas' back and deepened the kiss. When Cas tentatively licked Dean's bottom lip, Dean forgot that he was supposed to take the kids somewhere, forgot that there were things they needed to talk about, forgot everything that wasn't kissing Cas. It was only Ben's exaggerated gagging noises that dragged him back to reality. He pulled back, but only a few inches. 

"I'll be back soon." He promised. 

"Hurry." Cas looked as breathless as Dean felt.

Dean tried to control his driving on the way to Sam's, aware of his passengers. The kids chattered the whole way, but Dean was listening with only half an ear. Most of his thoughts were firmly on Cas. When they arrived at Sam's, Dean was tempted to shove the kids out of the car and floor it back home, but he forced himself to walk the kids up to the door. 

"Everything okay?" Sam asked by way of greeting.

"Yeah, yeah. Everything's great!" Dean said, waving at Ruby who was seated on the sofa, feet propped on the coffee table. 

"We're a family now!" Ben crowed, throwing his arms around Sam.

"That's awesome." Sam said, raising one eyebrow at Dean.

Dean gave him a shut-it look. "Well, I'm gonna go. You can get Anna to school in the morning? We'll call about picking Ben up."

"Ben's not going to school?" Sam questioned.

"Ahh, yeah. I'll let him explain that one." Dean bent down to hug both kids, extracting promises for good behavior.

He made it back to the house in record time and found Cas seated on the couch holding a book. Dean sat down next to him and stared at him, suddenly overwhelmed. 

"Hello." Cas set the book aside and looked at him.

"So, I, um, I love you." Dean moved his gaze to the floor, willing his ears not to turn red.

One moment Dean was staring fixedly at Cas' mouth and the next he had an armful of Castiel Novak and Cas' lips were crashing into his. Dean immediately surrendered control of the kiss, allowing Cas access to his mouth. Dean wrapped one hand around the back of Cas' neck and the other around his waist, playing idly with the hem of his t-shirt. Cas pulled back a half inch, far enough to stare at Dean with those fathomless blue eyes, pupils blown wide. 

"I love you, Dean Winchester." 

Dean was never good at talking about emotions, he was a man of action and right then he was more than happy to show Cas exactly how much he meant to him.


	11. Epilogue

When Anna was sixteen, she was asked out on her first date. Dean spent most of the afternoon cleaning his handgun on the front porch. He somehow wasn't surprised when Anna came out to find him, curling up on the floor next to him and handing him supplies. For a time neither of them said anything and then Anna finally spoke, addressing the bottle of gun oil.

"When did you know you loved Papa?"

Dean leaned back in his chair. From this angle, he could just see where Cas was sitting, helping Ben with his Algebra homework. "I knew I loved him that day at the amusement park when someone thought we were a couple and he went all Terminator on them."

Anna laughed. "I remember that! That was hilarious. But that was months before we moved here. And that was before Mom visited. You knew back then?"

Cas spoke from the doorway. "If I hadn't forced us all to move in together I think he would still be pining over me."

"Pining?" Dean exclaimed indignantly. "I wasn't pining."

"Yeah, you were totally pining." Ben chimed in, leaving his homework in favor of joining them on the porch. "Remember when Anna's mom was here? You got all drunk that one night."

"You're thirteen, what do you know?" Dean muttered.

"What about you, Papa?" Anna asked. "When did you fall in love with Dad?"

Cas settled himself on the porch swing beside Dean, taking one of Dean's hands in his own. "Honestly, Anna? I loved him from the moment he ran down the apartment stairs and straight into me and then didn't leave. But I knew I was going to love him forever when he sat on a bench at the park and begged me not to leave."

"I don't think I begged." Dean said. "That was a very reasonable explanation I gave."

Cas kissed Dean's cheek. "Well, it made me fall in love with you anyway."

"Yeah?" Dean shifted so he could wrap both arms around Cas. "Well, all I know is that I'm pretty glad you stayed around."

"I hope I have a love like you guys someday." Anna sighed dreamily.

"Let's not rush into that." Dean said darkly, idly rubbing his finger over the gun's barrel. Cas reached over and plucked it out of his hands.

"Don't scare the young man off right away. There will be time enough to put the fear of God into him."

"Between you and me, he really doesn't stand a chance." Dean agreed, leaning over to meet Cas' lips with his own. 

"I still think you guys are gross." Ben said from his perch on the porch railing.

"Wait a couple of years and you won't." Anna told him.

"Maybe."

Dean grinned at his family. They weren't perfect, but that was okay. Right then, in that moment, he had more than he could have ever hoped to ask for when he stumbled out of his apartment and into this man who had taken everything he thought he knew about the world and turned it upside down. And Dean couldn't be happier.

**Author's Note:**

> So, it's finished. I hope you guys enjoyed it. Thank you, thank you, thank you to those of you who commented on every chapter and left me love. I appreciate you more than you know. Seriously, you are angels.  
> Also, I'm thinking I might do timestamps, like holidays, birthdays, their wedding, etc. What do you guys think? If that's something you'd want to see, please let me know and tell me what event you'd like me to cover.


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